Speaking up for Mother

I recently "re"connected with an old match on a popular matchmaking site and we started emailing.  I name Mother as an important person in my life on my profile and the man in question asked me why she was there.  The following is the conversation that has gone on thus far, with some modifications and snarky running commentary from my brain.  Strap in, this is a long one after the jump.  You might want to take a potty break first.

Him: Why did you list Heavenly Mother as someone you can't live without? 

Me:  I listed Heavenly Mother for several reasons.  1) She is and has been important to me throughout my entire life, ever since I first learned of Her existence as a child.  I don't know why, She just is. I love Her and I miss Her.  2) She's not talked about enough.  Maintaining a "sacred silence" is a failure of logic.  a)She's a Goddess, equal in power and glory with her husband.  She can handle whatever she's supposedly being protected from.  b)She's a mother and I don't know a single woman who has children who never wants to hear from them on the chance that they might say something mean to her.  c)The silence surrounding her is not one that keeps her holy, it's one that functionally erases Her from the lives of her children.  I speak of Her to honor Her because so few do.  3)What child does not need his or her Mother?  The loss of a Mother leaves an indelible mark on a child's life.  Of course I need Her.  4)I need Father and Brother as well, but they get ample air time on eHarmony profiles and everywhere else we mention deity.  I'm not interested in my profile being Testimony Platform #7562 to convince anyone I'm a good catch of sufficient spirituality. (I have temple cred for that, har har.)  5)She is my ultimate example of feminine righteousness, and I need that.  6)As my profile says, I'm an egalitarian feminist; Mother is a large part of that, and I really want to be upfront with my matches about who I am and where I stand that is a little out of the ordinary for a Mormon woman.  I'm not out to blind side anyone, so some of my weirdness is on display.

(The following six blue sections are all in response to this paragraph.)
 
Him:  That is... a very interesting point of view.  What exactly is an "egalitarian feminist" anyway?  My mom raised us to be egalitarian just on the grounds that she divided our food fairly between the four us, her, and dad, without variation. One 6th of the food given to everyone.  I still think in terms of even shares when it comes to food.

Me:   . o O ( Food division is your basis for equality...?  I think that was supposed to be a joke... )  I specify egalitarian feminist because many people think that the goal of feminism is the progression of women's interest via the suppression of men's interests.  It's not, but people often think it is, so I phrase it that way in the hopes of signalling that I'm not a crazy man-hater; I simply want the social, political, and economic interests of men and women to be given equal consideration and weight in society (which is what feminism is about.)

Him:  It seems that God tends to focus on information important to our salvation, and denoting[sic] his wife in depth is not apparently part of the plan.  I see it as, "yes, that means I will be with the one I marry, too."  As a guy, I can comprehend the desire to keep her out of the lime light. I'd rather take the blow myself than see someone I love take it.  Is that his motive? I don't know.  Is his motive more on the aim of keeping us focused on the important stuff, like the plan of salvation. The Atonement and so forth.

Me:  . o O ( Them's fightin' words, son...  Put up yer dukes! lol )  I would ask though, is it that God focuses on only giving information that is important, or we who are limiting what information we're willing to receive that would be pertinent to our exaltation?  Salvation and exaltation are separate things even if we often speak of them interchangeably.  Salvation centers on Christ's Atonement; Exaltation centers on becoming gods.  The only things important to our salvation are knowledge and acceptance of the Savior, baptism, confirmation, repentance, and endurance.  Technically, the Sacrament is not absolutely critical because it's the renewal of covenants that have already been made.  Even temple ordinances are not critical to salvation, but they are critical to exaltation.  Also, much of personal (and prophetic) revelation is not on things that will make or break whether you get into the Celestial Kingdom--more matters of everyday living or general guides--so I really wouldn't say that God focuses on what's only critical.  I will get to the rest below.

Him:  I choose not to vanquish reality with well meaning suppositions, logical as they may seem.  Belief in suppositions results in an alternate reality which cannot sustain us in the end.  If you cannot confirm nor deny things you are best left to not think about them.  Honestly, I think Christ deserves more respect than simply pointing out that, yes, he is our brother.  He's infinitely more special than simply just a brother.  (Alluding to my previous line about not wanting my profile to be "Testimony Platform #7562".)
Me:  . o O ( "Vanquish"?  "Alternate reality"?  I get what you mean but... )  A great deal of our doctrine is left open to interpretation and speculation (nuances of the WoW, the functional mechanism of the Atonement, how/if evolution fits into the Creation, eternal polygamy, etc) and not everyone agrees on these matters, yet most people have considered, well-reasoned opinions and beliefs, often with words of modern prophets and apostles as back up.   It's difficult to nail down exactly what our full reality is, because we can only see so far into it and so much of it.  Most of us don't get the benefits of Enoch, Abraham, Moses, etc. of seeing everything, and they didn't write down all that they saw.  In fact, they wrote down virtually nothing, not where we have it, anyway.  So, I don't personally see a value anymore in not thinking about things that one can't confirm or deny, not permanently.  I think that stifles our ability to receive new information.  I think God (be it Father, Jesus, or the Spirit) will take us amazing places if we allow it, even into places where nothing can be confirmed or denied, only hoped or appreciated.  I've been thinking of it as "spiritual off-roading with Jesus".  And I respect that deeply.  I respect Him deeply.  I appreciate the uncertainty, the question of "This is what I'm working with, but am I seeing it correctly?  How does it tie in?  Does it tie in?  Where and how does the Gospel fit with this?"  And that's something that can't be encapsulated in--and that deserves more respect than--two sentences on a dating site profile.  To me, it becomes a vain repetition when a dozen profiles all say about the same thing.  It's probably not fair to the people--or to their testimonies, because I'm sure they're all quite heartfelt--but it doesn't really speak much to me.

Him: I can totally see why you'd be focusing on Heavenly Mother as a role model.  Makes sense. I just hope your not "reaching beyond the mark", which Christ has said will be a stumbling block unto us.  Because though it's a great goal, the doctrine is for both sexes, about Christ, and God the Father and the Holy Ghost.  There are no apparent exceptions. If you want to know "Her", live "His" law and the woman you become will approximate Her the closer you get to Him. So it's really as much about God and His Son as it's always been.  Trust God has a reason for all he does, even if it seems uncomfortable such as the "sacred silence".  Trust He has a reason.
Me: . o O ( I am very glad you can see that, since I think the sentence that follows carries an allusion to checking my spiritual course... Prepare for an eyeful.  )  Believe me, I have not forgotten my Savior nor His role.  And I completely agree, the doctrine is for both sexes; Jesus is the Savior of "black and white, bond and free, male and female".  That's not the issue.  The issue is that no matter what, Jesus is a man.  I am a woman.  Jesus is a wonderful role model and He is extremely dear to me.  But He is not a woman.  He is not my Mother.  It will always be different.

Bear with me and flip the situation around for a few moments in your mind.  Imagine that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are all female:  Goddess the Mother, Jesia Christ, and a Holy Ghost spoken of solely in feminine pronouns.  All the prophets are prophetesses; dispensational Matriarchs instead of Patriarchs; Matriarchal blessings; female clergy; a woman run world, both spiritually and temporally.  And you respect the women and love them.  You love your Mother, deeply.  You love Jesia and have nothing but respect and gratitude for what She has done for you in taking on your sins and afflictions so that your burden can be lighter.  And yes there's a God the Father, but we don't talk about him much.  Sure, Jesia was probably married, but we don't know to whom for certain or what he was like.  Oh, and Adam, your first father, was portrayed for millennia as a weak-willed and evil man that needed his wife Eve there to keep him in line; and even though you know and feel that that isn't true--that he was victimized by past teachers and cultures--the idea still pervades your world that men are less, that men are weak.  But there is that Father God that you've heard about, that example of holy masculinity that for some reason has been silenced, erased, and made an object of fearful, fringe speculation: a subject good followers of Jesia don't mention openly without qualification or stuttering because people have gotten in trouble in the past for talking about Him too much.  And the women tell you that, as a man, you can just follow the example of Jesia--the holiest of women, the very Daughter of Goddess--and that will get you close enough that you can just figure it out from there what it really means to be a holy man.  It's not like it's that important, anyway... everything that applies to a woman applies to a man, even though in other areas, we spend a lot of energy making sure everyone knows that the sexes are very different and have very different roles in the eternities, and women are to be this way, and men are to be that way.  So don't worry about Heavenly Father.  He'll be there to give you a hug when your life is over, but right now He's busy with other stuff (which you'll hopefully be busy with someday, because you're trying to become like Him... but no one can/will tell you for certain what that stuff is.)

Can you see why women need a Divine Female example, too?  Why we need to know our Mother?  Why Jesus and Father are wonderful and vital and irreplaceable... but so is She for the essential fact that she is female?  In a religion that places so much emphasis on the eternal and exalting nature of the marital bond and the ability of men and women alike to obtain godhood, it seems that it should be obvious.  I'm sure there is a reason for Her absence, but I'd put forward that it's more because of our general unwillingness to receive than from a lack of desire on Their part to give.  She was edited and written out, She was abolished, She was destroyed anciently in our religious tradition and She needs to be fully restored along with the rest of the Gospel because it is a Gospel for all.  I have all confidence that God the Father is keenly aware of the needs of his daughters to know their Mother, and I truly believe that she wants to be known just as much as Father does.  I think we have just been so conditioned by our culture and various circumstances (including the backlash from the talk I mention below) that we have collectively limited the spirit of revelation in favor of conserving things as they are.  I also feel that this applies to other matters, but that's a whole other discussion.  Moving on.

Him:  Someone once asked me, 'why does everyone say God is a man.' I said, "Because that's what the people who met him have said He is.  And He also admits it too." I'm glad we don't have to worry about deciding to pray to God or his wife. Frankly, though insults and deriding would be one avoidable aspect of not standing her out in the lime light, the more damaging aspect to us is to be deciding which of our heavenly parents we should be praying to.  Frankly, acknowledging her and then keeping us on track with, "You will be praying to me and no one else" oh snap! I just recalled the 1st commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me".  If we were praying to Her.. Yeah. That  breaks the 1st commandment.  Yup.   One God.  One plan, one salvation.  Very simple. Keeps us all on focused and on track.

Me:  . o O ( The sentence fragments, they burns ussss... )  Oh snap! Rebuttal! ;)  a) How on earth is it spiritually damaging to speak to the Mother of your spirit?  b) Who says anyone would only be praying to Her?  This isn't about replacing Father, or putting Her before Him; it's about the two both being known and available.  Here on Earth, that's seen as a good thing, the whole ideal of having two parents.  c) That commandment was given by Jehovah.  We don't typically pray to Jesus--at least that's not what we're officially taught to do--even though He has been a god since the Resurrection.  Yeah, there's Divine Investiture, but there's no scriptural evidence of post-Exodus Israel separating Jehovah from El.  (I use El rather than the more familiar Elohim, because Elohim is plural in Hebrew, denoting more than one deity involved.)  So even though Jehovah gave that commandment by authority from Father, there's still multiple divine personages involved.  d) They're all on the same team, the Heavenly Family.  Addressing a prayer to one or the other of them is very different from the intention behind "Pray to I Am, not Pharoah/Baal/Aphrodite/Shakti."  Mother is not a false god or an idol, which is what that commandment prohibits worshiping.  She is an eternal reality and the epitome of what half of Her children hope to be someday, and She is as united in purpose with her eternal companion as Christ is.  e)The Nephites did pray to Jesus when he visited them, and it was acceptable.  We have hymns ("The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me" D&C 25:12) addressed specifically to Jesus, not Father.  We even have a hymn directly addressing Mother, and then the two of Them together.  (I wish we had more!)  There's even directly conflicting quotes from modern prophets and apostles as to whether we solely worship God the Father or whether we also worship Christ, where one says "Just Father" and the other says "Worship both."  f) Even in October of 1992 when President Hinckley (then 1st Counselor, not Prophet) specifically called out out those who pray to Mother in General Conference, he did not directly condemn it.  He said, quoting himself from a previous address, "I regard it as inappropriate for anyone in the Church to pray to our Mother in Heaven."  That is an opinion: a very shrewdly worded--and granted, scripturally based--opinion, but an opinion nonetheless.  He regards it.  There's no mention of a specific, Divine prohibition, no "God regards it..."  There's not even an implication of modern revelation being involved or sought after, which is just another layer of silence regarding Mother because the implication that is left behind is that he didn't even try.  I love President Hinckley, I respect him tremendously, he was a fabulous leader and Prophet and President, and he may have tried and searched, but I don't know, because he didn't say and that drives me crazy about the whole thing.

Him:  I'm sorry if any of this was hard, but I'm coming from the "been there done that" perspective on appending my own thoughts onto what was official and considered cannon.  I've chosen to come back to reality from where ever it was I went and be strictly by the books, by the prophets. Safest way to stay in reality I think.
Me:   . o O ( You were calling me to repentance! Bahahahaha!   Oh it's rude to laugh, but I can't help but find it hilarious.  Guy, you are too funny. )  No, no, not hard at all.  I am completely unoffended by your frankness, as I hope you are with mine.   Thank you for giving me a chance to spill my gutsand I hope it made sense, and that you've even made it to this point in the email.

You know, I completely appreciate that you've found a place and a way to be in the Gospel and in the Church and believe, and being by the book works for you.  I applaud that and I would never say you need to give that up.  It works for you.  It worked for me for most of my life.  Right now, though, I'm okay looking up from the book and seeing the world that the book fits in and talks about and exploring, and that works for me.  I have a lot of fun with it; it gives me even greater hope and appreciation than I had before.  There's value to both ways.  We both love God and Jesus, we both love the Gospel, we both love the Church...  That's to be celebrated and embraced far more than our styles of doing so are to be worried over.  And I don't personally feel at all like I'm less in reality than I was before.  I feel like I'm more open to what reality is beyond just what I can see.  Isn't that the essence of faith?

Him:  Still, if you have additional information (books, conference talks, other notable sources.) I would be curious to see what else there is to know.

Me:  . o O ( Mother Missionary moment! ) Start with the recent publication in BYU Studies: https://byustudies.byu.edu/showTitle.aspx?title=8669  It's a $2 download.  I used to have a link to a free copy but it has been taken down.  The article is a survey of " historical statements by Mormon leaders about Mother in Heaven" and will cover most (if not all) significant mentions or allusions to Mother.  The silence is not complete, but it is functional, a fact discussed in this podcast, which interviews one of the authors of the study as part of a panel discussion: http://mormonmatters.org/2011/05/17/32-heavenly-mother-in-todays-mormonism/   (Podcast is about an hour and forty minutes long.)
There's also "Mother Wove the Morning", a play (available as a book or DVD) written by Carol Lynn Pearson (lifelong and active member of the Church, also well-known for writing the Primary song "I'll Walk With You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umdG-6aGQEc ) about Mother, as experienced in several women's lives across the centuries and around the world, some imagined, some historical or scriptural.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will put a caveat on one of the earliest scenes;  it's based on a book called "When God Was A Woman" which has, since its publication in 1976 and likely the play's first performance in late 1989, had several of its archaeological assertions disproved.  What they are specifically or how, I don't know, but I put that out there.  The scene is still powerful and goddess worship in ancient times is a well-established fact regardless.

So those are my top three picks: Study, podcast, and play.


If you read all of that, I appreciate your patience with my extensive rambling.  You win a gold star, dear reader!  If you didn't, I don't blame you at all.

For me, I really am grateful for the opportunity to talk so much about a subject so near and dear to my heart.  I do hope it was coherent--it was written across nearly two weeks of dealing with my Mom's diagnosis--and perhaps even persuasive and illuminating.  I may post an update on the conversation if I feel anything is added that's worth blogging.

I must also say that I do respect this guy, even if I find his opinions and methods on the matters discussed to be too patriarchal and self-limited for my personal taste.  He is largely respectful and tactful in expressing his views, and he engages in just enough snark to make me feel better about dishing it back. ;)  From other conversation in the emails, he seems like a good, intelligent guy.  He is where he is, and I honor that.  I've only recently come to be so impassioned about arguing in favor of Mother, myself.

Anyway, I've talked enough.   Let's all go do something else!