The Articles of Faith, revisited

Somewhat expanded and updated, per the Gospel according to Jena...

1 I believe in God and Goddess, the Eternal Parents, and in Their Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

 2 I believe that men and women will be punished for their own sins, not for the events in the Garden of Eden.

3 I believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all people may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

 4 I believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.  (I don't have much to add there.)

 5 I believe that a person must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

 6 I believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth, and that men and women are equally capable of filling these positions.

 7 I believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth, and these are received through faith and the Spirit by those who believe they will receive them.

 8 I believe the Bible to contain the word of God and Goddess as far as it is translated correctly; I also believe the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price to contain the word of God and Goddess.  I believe that each volume of scripture has some cultural baggage attached to it, yet affirm that no baggage negates the message and power of the Gospel of Christ, or the ability of holy writ to uplift, edify, and instruct.

 9 I believe all that God and Goddess have revealed, all that They do now reveal, and I  believe that They will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to Their Kingdom.

 10 I believe in these Last Days, that Goddess will be revealed in Her power and Her daughters shall receive Priestesshood; that Israel shall be literally gathered from  all corners of the earth and the Ten Tribes restored; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisaical glory.

 11 I claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God and Goddess according to the dictates of my own conscience, and allow all people the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

 12 I believe in being subject to just and humane kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining good laws, and claim the right to protest and work to replace bad laws or rulers as necessary.

 13 I believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, doing good to all women and men, and advocating for the needs of the oppressed; indeed, I may say that I follow the admonition of Paul—I believe all things, I hope all things, I have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, I seek after these things.

Safe place

I dream of a yurt in the woods
Shaded by trees as old as my faith
It's walls the colors of brick and blood
Warmed within by a pellet stove.
Its roof gathers rain and dew
And its floors are covered with rugs.

Wooden bed with woolen blankets
Sheepskin slippers and cedar bookshelves
Drying plants adorn the beams and perfume the air

While a Maine Coon warms herself in a sunny spot.
A carved wooden staff  against a wall
Serves as a helpmeet while I journey between the trees
And stands in token of the man I cannot yet picture
Accept-admitting into my sanctuary.


Sunlit hills are hidden through the haze of green and brown
The canopy and undergrowth
Surrounding an easterly field of green and Good
With goats and chickens and a great black horse
A frame for the rising of sun and moon.
A shed for feed and straw and herbs
A home for nourishment and healing.

Henna red hair shines like new copper
A color that comes from my soul.
Out here I can go barefoot
In soft grass with no rocks
Squashy leaf fall with no thorns
Til my feet are black and calloused
So they can feel their strong way without fear.

The perfume of fir and redwood, bay laurel and earth
Covers my hollow like a lover and a friend
Lupine and poppies
Virginia stock and golden grass
Or new-sprung buttercups and clover.

Here I weather all storms
Here I recover from storms
Here I am, with in my self in all my complexity
Here, I am safe.

Mother Fast 4: The on-the-road edition

I realized about 8PM last night that I had forgotten to post a reminder about the Fast.  I remembered as I was two and a half hours from home and I had left my computer at home.  I am (usually) too lazy to post from my phone.  Nevertheless, I did remember to fast in time to do so, and it made my evening at a bachelorette party a little less fattening (though I did wait to begin until I'd had a cupcake.  Yummy.)

I'm afraid it has been a very long day, so I don't have a lot to say right now.  I know, I'm a bad blogger.  I did fast, though.  I hope you did too, and that something good happened to you because of it.

Mobile moon tree

I bought this pendant some time ago from a woman, and it's been hanging around (no pun intended) my house.  I wear it occasionally, and I always feel closer to Mother when I do.  I ran across it last night as I was getting ready for bed, and decided to take it out and hang it from my rear view mirror.

Today, every time I looked at it as I drove, as I got in or out of the car, I felt a touch of something.  A connection.  I felt as though something was plugged in, a circuit was closed when I saw this reminder of Mother.  I like it.  It feels right.  It fills a space I didn't realize was vacant in that specific place in my life, and it gives me comfort in a time when I need it so desperately.

On a side note, I also listened to the latest episode of Daughters of Mormonism, "'If any of you lack Sophia': Anthroposophy and Mormonism" and it's pretty much amazing.  I'm a tad "ehhh" on a few things she says, but it's mostly slight variations of opinion and nothing I can't pass over easily in light of all the awesome information presented.  So, if you haven't, I recommend you go check it out!

I need my Mother

Fairly early on in my Daughters of Mormonism episode about the Mother Fast, as part of recounting my history with the Church and my life in it, I mentioned that I was adopted at birth.  Sybil then asked if I thought part of my reasoning behind starting the Fast was because I was adopted and whether I felt like I was reaching out for that lost connection.  At the time I answered no, and I still think that answer is true (though who knows what motivations are triggered in the subconscious?  That's why it's subconscious.)  I feel far more affected by my adoption than my sister does--she forgot to even mention it to her husband until their first tithing settlement and he noticed the sealing date on her record--and while I often think about my birth mother, I truly am happy in the life and family that I have and I can't imagine a better one.  It might be a tiny contributing factor, but maybe.... there's a more obvious one.

I alluded before (is it allusion when it's pretty much straight up?) to the fact that my mother has cancer: melanoma to be precise.  And it sucks.  We've been dealing with this in some way, shape, or form for almost two years now and it's just... not getting better.  The treatments she just finished may still take another month or two to really start showing results; meanwhile her most recent scan indicated significant tumor growth since the scan that told us the cancer was back.  They're talking about radiating one of the tumors, but even then there's two more, one of which is in her lung and she has already done all of the chest radiation her body can take.  Ever.  It's no longer an option.  Neither is surgery.  Chemo isn't very effective for melanoma.  She wants to live past the time when my niece is born enough so that no one ever thinks, "It's her birthday, and this is the time we we lost her Grandma."  My niece is "due" in early-mid January.  In theory, my Mom could be gone in six months.  I wasn't thinking it could be that soon.

I need my mother.  I need my Mother.  I conceived the Fast not long after Mom and Dad told us about the cancer's return.  Maybe part of my motivation for this search for Heavenly Mother is because I can't stand the thought of losing my Mom.  We already lost her Mom when I was seven.  I lost a woman I saw as something of a second Mom in my teens.  I've never known my birth mother.

One of my best friends lost her Mom when she was a young child, only three or four years old.  I can't even imagine that kind of loss.  I can't.  Even when my Mom passes on, at least I'll be an adult.  Still, I don't know what I'll do.  I feel badly because people lose their mothers every day.  People go through this grief all the time.  I don't want to be one of them, but I will be and I don't know how I'm going to endure it.

I had planned to start saving to move into town right before we found out.  Now the idea makes me sick to my stomach.  I don't want to go away, but I need to.  My adultness needs to, and I know she understands that; but my childness needs all the time it can get with her.  And if I fail to move until after she's gone?  I'll leave my Dad alone in an empty house that he just might feel the need to sell at that point, and with it would go over two decades of memories.

My thoughts have just come to a screeching, messy stop with stuff tumbling over itself out of order and scattering across the floor.  I guess it's time to stop.  I just really... I need my Mother.  I need my Mother.

Cancer sucks.  Patriarchy sucks.  I need my Mothers.

"Awake and Arise": a feminist anthem--Super Update!

Holy crap!  My communal music project got mentioned today on Exponent!! *gasp!* I had a total geek out moment when Heather told me.  The post overall is really great and interesting (so go read it!) and I'm just thrilled to have this project mentioned. :D

Submissions are now open until Monday, October 31st with a decision made by Monday, November 7th.  Please send them to likeuntoeve(at)gmail(dot)com!

Also: This is my 50th published post!! WOO!

What if...: Wildly speculative and heretical

"What if..."

To my understanding, there are many gods, and possibly many levels of gods (as in "they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there" D&C 132: 19) on the way up to becoming a God the Father or God the Mother.  Whether there's all separate universes or if it's divvied up by planets or star systems or galaxies, I don't know--I don't wanna get into those particulars--but assuming that the whole "as man is, God once was; as God is, man may become" idea that we base a lot of our beliefs on is true, there's a truckload of deities in existence somewhere out there, here or in other realms/planes/what have you.  And we're told that once you receive your immortality after judgment, you're not going to die anymore.

But what if... we've misinterpreted or misunderstood.

I have no citations to back me up here, these are just the ideas running around in my head, but... what if the reason we don't hear about or worship Mother anymore--and haven't for thousands of years--is that... She died?  Or was killed?  We assume all gods must be good, but what if they're not?  What if the greater reality is more like the drama and warfare of the ancient pantheons, where gods and goddesses are born, live, and die or are otherwise defeated with a fair amount of regularity?  The logic of "there can be no Father without a Mother" would still hold true, because She helped create us in the past.  As far as I know, all official Mormon theology regarding Her has been strictly logical; I've never heard of a Prophet--even Joseph--specifically saying, "There is a living, embodied Goddess, too."

So what if she just isn't there anymore, and we literally cannot get in touch with her or hope to bring her back into acknowledgment in our faith?

Sometimes I deeply dislike the speculative parts of my brain.

EDIT: I feel I should clarify.  This post is not a response to the lack of Mother-ly references in General Conference.  I've had these thoughts spinning around in my head for a few weeks now, perhaps a month, and I felt the need for the cathartic purge before they could fester any more.

Yeah...--minor update

I'm a little bummed.  I was really hoping for at least a common thread or a trend, or a couple "Father and Mother"s at the very, very least.  I hear there was one "Heavenly Parents" mentioned, though it snuck past me.  (Update: Heather found it.)

Besides that--and perhaps it's the perspective I have these days as opposed to even 6-9 months ago--this Conference just seemed very... very... not for Me.  I had to dig more than usual for something that felt relevant to me and my place in life.  There was one session (Saturday afternoon?) that was about 2/3rds "MARRIAGE-BABIES-BE A MOM-FAMILY"

It made me want to flail my arms--like trying to ward off the inexorable advance of a steam roller--and scream, "I'M TRYING!!"

I know not everything is meant for everyone, and different people need different counsel, but for a rare incidence, I just didn't get a lot out of Conference.  Maybe it's my own fault.  I was distracted at various points, and I certainly was focusing a lot of energy searching for something that never came.  Maybe I'll find more when I go back and watch, listen, or read things over again.  And I will carry on with the Fast and with hoping and praying and seeking and looking forward.

Right now, I'm just bummed.

My Facebook "coming out" post: Seeking Revelation

As Latter Day Saints, continuing, modern revelation is a core tenet of our faith.  On it is founded the Restoration and the need for and validity of prophets.  We sustain our highest leadership as prophets, seers, and revelators, and regard much of their writing and speaking as new scripture that is applicable to our current times and circumstances.

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God. - 9th Article of Faith

Within the past year, I've noticed a convergence of things in my own life.  From the conversation of friends, to blogs, to academic papers out of BYU, to books and music, it just kept coming up and crossing my path, pointing in one, single direction.

It was a direction my own thoughts had often turned over the years.  In those times it was like seeing a mountain in the near distance--tall and lush with vegetation, rising into the sky as a perpetual gesture toward Heaven and eternity-- and finding yourself at the edge of an impassable gorge.  There was no bridge in sight--none that looked like a reliable crossing--and no way to jump.  You could see the mountain there, you knew it existed, but you could not touch it, taste its fruit, hear its birds, or climb its peak to take in its vista.  True, there was a mountain on this side of the gorge, one with which you are familiar and which you have climbed before, but its partner was yonder, seemingly silent, alone, and always hinting at a deeper understanding of the world.

That mountain was Mother.

Everything was pointing to Heavenly Mother, the epitome of womanhood about whom we know virtually nothing as Latter Day Saints.  We acknowledge Her existence and Her eternal companionship with God the Father, we sing briefly of her in 'O My Father' and there are occasional references in talks and documents, though very often lumped in with Father.  Men could look to Father, Christ, Adam, and several dozen prophets and apostles for their examples.  Women could look to... Father, Christ, Adam, all the prophets and apostles, Eve, and a couple dozen women in scripture for theirs.  But not Mother.

"Why do you need to know about Mother when you have Father and Christ?"  As much as I love them, they're not female.  They are not precisely who or what I--as a woman--aspire to become.  I don't have very much information on exactly what that means and that seems kind of important to eternity.  You can't get where you're going if you don't know the destination.  It was a source of sorrow and frustration, even anger.  I felt powerless to change it, and I was not the only one.

Then at the beginning of the summer, I realized, "Why couldn't I do anything about it?"    I have prayer and fasting, faith, hope, and a long legacy of truth-seeking and inspiration.  I was not powerless!  So I began to fast and pray every month, and it has been an amazing experience.  I feel like my spirit has expanded, cracked open like dry ground, ready to receive nourishment and water when it's given.  It hasn't always been pleasant or easy--in fact, it's one of the most spiritually arduous journeys I've ever embarked on--but I feel closer to my Heavenly Parents for it.  I've felt the influence, guidance, and comfort of the Holy Spirit as I've sought knowledge of my Mother.  I've begun to heal the pain inside and to satisfy this yearning for the Feminine half of the Divine, using the tools I've learned to use throughout my Mormon life.

However, I couldn't let it stop with me.  I had to reach beyond myself.  I knew I wasn't alone.  I asked others who yearned for Mother to join with me in my monthly prayer and fasting, with a hope for something official in General Conference, because this is something we all need to know.  It is a lofty goal!  But, if the time is right and our hearts are ripe, not an unreasonable one.  Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you.  God rarely gives where there has not been preparation and expressed need or curiosity.

Ultimately, it is up to God to give the revelation, and to decide when.  It may be this weekend--I hope it will be, though as yet there has been not the slightest hint, so--it may be in six months, it may be in six years.  But these fasts and these prayers are my offering upon the altar of my soul, the sacrifice I mean in the pursuit of greater intelligence, wisdom, light, knowledge, and understanding.  I trust that they will not be accounted worthless in some time to come.

All seekers for our Mother are welcome to join in the efforts: male and female, LDS and non, conservative and liberal, old and young, straight and gay, rich and poor, single and married.  Even if my prayers are answered this weekend and something comes forth, there is still work left to do and I will continue to fast and pray for some months regardless.  So, you're welcome, my friends, to join me if you feel so inclined.  If you do not feel inclined, that's okay, too. :)

Either way, I have found my Father, and my Brother and Savior and heard their messengers.  Now I listen also for messages from my Mother who stands with them.

One more shot of optimism

Regendered/Inclusive Doctrine & Covenants Section 4 (with gently modernized language)

Now behold, a marvelous work and a wonder is about to come forth among the children of women.

Therefore, O you that embark in the service of Goddess and God, see that you serve them with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that you may stand blameless before God and Goddess at the last day.

Therefore, if you have desires to serve Goddess and God you are called to the work.

For behold the field is white already to harvest; and she that thrusts in her sickle with her might, the same lays up in store that she perishes not, but brings salvation to her soul;

And faith, hope,charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God and Goddess, qualify her for the work.

Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, sisterly kindness, godliness, chairty, humilty, diligence.

Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.  Amen.

Enjoy General Conference!