Funny thing, this.
Ever since a few days before the anniversary, I feel like I've adjusted. I've become an adult with only one living parent. It's just been me and Dad and my siblings for a year. I'm no longer counting the months; now it's "over a year ago" or "last year." Next you it will be "two years ago." In time it'll be, "when I was thirty" perhaps because I can't smoothly calculate how long it has been. I'm now free to make "big changes" per the recommendations of Hospice's bereavement team suggestions. All of the "firsts" have been hit, as far as annual events. The world has moved on and though I'll always miss her, I'm ready to, as well. I feel that I've adjusted.
Grief isn't really linear and there will undoubtedly still be times of soul-crushing sorrow and angst, especially if/when I get married and have babies. But--for the moment--I feel that I'm "used to it" now. I feel that I've adjusted. I feel free to carry on and my motivation is returning.
I lost my cats. I lost my Mom. I may soon lose my Grandparents. Dad still has a statistically higher probability of dying in the next year, but please God forbid. My business is doing better than it ever has. I just paid off a major debt, and that gives me hope for the rest of them, and my ability to climb out of personal poverty in the next year or two, maybe! All of this, without my Mom. It makes me sad... but I'm okay. That's how it goes. She is not gone, she just isn't here.
Moving on.
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Thank you for wanting to leave me a message. I hope you've found something I've said edifying, and you'll extend the same to me. Please be positive, I'm not here to argue, but rather to just have a place to write things that I find spiritually uplifting, or share my own ponderings on matters of faith. Thank you.