The Lord dug deep until I was empty,
And I said, "Lo, I am a vessel.
Fill me."
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Say
Say what you are or what you
have to offer and trust that it's enough
for others to find attraction--no elaborations
needed. Trust simplicity.
Trust simplicity.
You work best within it. It
will care for you tenderly.
Garner Trust
Let it carry you. It is strong
and its arms are reaching.
Trust that others
will be attracted
to what I have
to offer.
My heart is open and my hands
are kind.
It cannot be forced or faked
and can only be used
to heal.
have to offer and trust that it's enough
for others to find attraction--no elaborations
needed. Trust simplicity.
Trust simplicity.
You work best within it. It
will care for you tenderly.
Garner Trust
Let it carry you. It is strong
and its arms are reaching.
Trust that others
will be attracted
to what I have
to offer.
My heart is open and my hands
are kind.
It cannot be forced or faked
and can only be used
to heal.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
A seed planted for "green" garments
The boring paragraph...
I know there are people out there who will be scandalized and possibly even offended by what I write below. I'll confess: I'm almost one of them! I don't think of myself as a pot stirrer (some might disagree), but I'm really working on fixing in my head the differences between "doctrine", "practice", and "policy". (Thank you, Bishop McAdam!) Given that, what follows is primarily an issue of policy and practice, the two out of the three with potential for change without blasphemy. Any criticism contained below is meant to be constructive, for the betterment of the Saints and the world in which we live. All right, disclaimer's over, let's move on.
"Green" garments
While in Utah back in February, Rachel and I went to the local Distribution Center because I was freezing cold all the time and wanted thermal garments. While there, perusing the shelves, we got to talking about our mutual disappointment that there's really only one natural fiber option for garments, and that's a somewhat thick ribbed cotton. Everyone I've heard from on them says they're hot, more like wearing an extra layer than the synthetics. Rachel and I are both fairly "crunchy" California Saints with a love for alternative fibers, and we mused on how amazing a bamboo option would be. Even a bamboo/cotton blend. Highly renewable, biodegradable, cool, silky and comfortable. Or a soft merino or alpaca wool in winter. We wanted something comfortable and eco-conscious.
There are millions of Endowed Latter Day Saints in the world, all with (hopefully) at least two sets of garments, probably most with five to seven sets. Like any clothing, garments wear out. Once they've been "decommissioned", though, the fabric is just... fabric, and what do you do with it? Dust rags? Baby wipes? Upcycled purses? Hope much fabric ends up in the trash? It's not like they can be sent on to Good Will or even Deseret Industries. So the fabric ends up in a landfill and because most garments or made of synthetic fibers... they sit there. And sit there. Forever. (Or at least several decades.) That is such a waste.
There has to be a better way.
And there is!
Distribution Services wants feedback. There's a link right at the bottom of every page that says "Feedback" with an e-mail address attached to it: feedback@store.lds.org. So let's give them feedback this Earth Day! Email Distribution between April 22nd and May 1st and request that they expand their fabric choices to include more natural and even post-consumer fibers.
Recycled polyester! Hemp! Ramie! Wool! Bamboo! Linen!!! (Very Old Testament.)
Fair trade and/or domestic sourcing. Reduce the carbon footprint of production and distribution.
Nowhere in our holy writ does it say that modern sacred clothing can only be produced from petroleum products. It is inexpensive, and inexpensive garments and ceremonial clothing has been a great boon for our people. But what if we could have more choices, ones that would be good for our bodies, our spirits, our economies, and our Earth? Our stewardship over this world is just as sacred and important as any other responsibility we have. This is something worth telling those in charge that we want.
If this is something eve a little important to you, I encourage you to RSVP to this Facebook Event page started up by my friend, Heather, and share it with your friends. Spread the word and help make this campaign successful. Then go and write your e-mail! I'll admit, we may not see an immediate change, or even one in the next few years, but maybe we will. Either way, we'll have success even if we just get people to voice their desires for something sacred and respected that they live with every day. The fabric selection is policy, and practice, not the eternal truth behind the article itself. Policies and practices can and should change according to the needs of God's people.
Happy Earth Day! :)
I know there are people out there who will be scandalized and possibly even offended by what I write below. I'll confess: I'm almost one of them! I don't think of myself as a pot stirrer (some might disagree), but I'm really working on fixing in my head the differences between "doctrine", "practice", and "policy". (Thank you, Bishop McAdam!) Given that, what follows is primarily an issue of policy and practice, the two out of the three with potential for change without blasphemy. Any criticism contained below is meant to be constructive, for the betterment of the Saints and the world in which we live. All right, disclaimer's over, let's move on.
"Green" garments
While in Utah back in February, Rachel and I went to the local Distribution Center because I was freezing cold all the time and wanted thermal garments. While there, perusing the shelves, we got to talking about our mutual disappointment that there's really only one natural fiber option for garments, and that's a somewhat thick ribbed cotton. Everyone I've heard from on them says they're hot, more like wearing an extra layer than the synthetics. Rachel and I are both fairly "crunchy" California Saints with a love for alternative fibers, and we mused on how amazing a bamboo option would be. Even a bamboo/cotton blend. Highly renewable, biodegradable, cool, silky and comfortable. Or a soft merino or alpaca wool in winter. We wanted something comfortable and eco-conscious.
There are millions of Endowed Latter Day Saints in the world, all with (hopefully) at least two sets of garments, probably most with five to seven sets. Like any clothing, garments wear out. Once they've been "decommissioned", though, the fabric is just... fabric, and what do you do with it? Dust rags? Baby wipes? Upcycled purses? Hope much fabric ends up in the trash? It's not like they can be sent on to Good Will or even Deseret Industries. So the fabric ends up in a landfill and because most garments or made of synthetic fibers... they sit there. And sit there. Forever. (Or at least several decades.) That is such a waste.
There has to be a better way.
And there is!
Distribution Services wants feedback. There's a link right at the bottom of every page that says "Feedback" with an e-mail address attached to it: feedback@store.lds.org. So let's give them feedback this Earth Day! Email Distribution between April 22nd and May 1st and request that they expand their fabric choices to include more natural and even post-consumer fibers.
Recycled polyester! Hemp! Ramie! Wool! Bamboo! Linen!!! (Very Old Testament.)
Fair trade and/or domestic sourcing. Reduce the carbon footprint of production and distribution.
Nowhere in our holy writ does it say that modern sacred clothing can only be produced from petroleum products. It is inexpensive, and inexpensive garments and ceremonial clothing has been a great boon for our people. But what if we could have more choices, ones that would be good for our bodies, our spirits, our economies, and our Earth? Our stewardship over this world is just as sacred and important as any other responsibility we have. This is something worth telling those in charge that we want.
If this is something eve a little important to you, I encourage you to RSVP to this Facebook Event page started up by my friend, Heather, and share it with your friends. Spread the word and help make this campaign successful. Then go and write your e-mail! I'll admit, we may not see an immediate change, or even one in the next few years, but maybe we will. Either way, we'll have success even if we just get people to voice their desires for something sacred and respected that they live with every day. The fabric selection is policy, and practice, not the eternal truth behind the article itself. Policies and practices can and should change according to the needs of God's people.
Happy Earth Day! :)
A "mission" nearly completed: Two years at the Oakland temple
I started volunteering at the Oakland Temple on May 2nd, 2009. I had been considering it for months since my former Bishop brought several of those Endowed in to ask if we could volunteer, by request of the Temple Presidency. I hadn't been able to at that point, but after a little time, I was free enough in my work and life schedules.
I met with President and Sister Harwood, Counselor and an Assistant to the Matron in March after meeting with my Bishop and Stake President and receiving their recommendations. I received my official call by letter and was set apart a week or two before beginning work on the Saturday Mid shift. I was encouraged to work every week for a little while until I felt like I had everything down. I did, and I learned quickly. My supervisors and coordinators seemed pleased with my work. As a volunteer it was fairly simple, mostly directing traffic and escorting people, being a Hostess in the House of the Lord.
I spent a lot of time in the position behind the recommend desk, acting as a second or third set of eyes to be certain that no one came through without having their recommend verified, welcoming and bidding farewell to patrons coming and going, and telling them how to get to the locker rooms or waiting rooms. Occasionally I would escort couples and those receiving their Endowments to Record Verification, until it became apparent that it just didn't work during high volume periods to have my position absent even long enough to walk someone down the hall. As my coordinator was muddling over this, I asked why there couldn't be two sisters, since we knew when people were coming in for their live ordinances (weddings, sealings, and endowments.) She paused and mulled that over, and soon enough a new position specific to our shift was created. I don't know if it's still going on, but for several months, at least, it very much freed up the original post from having to chase her duties around that hallway.
I became an Ordinance Worker after about eight or nine months. I could have started sooner but for some reason, I hesitated. Suddenly, being able to commit to four shifts per month seemed much harder to schedule, so I doubled up and joined the PM shift, which made for two very long, wonderful days every month. I spent a lot of time in Initiatories, sometimes ending up there three and four times in a day, all told. I loved it. I had time to individually work with patrons and my fellow workers, and contemplate the deep and important promises given over the course of that ceremony. I spent a good amount of time as a follower in Endowment sessions (while trying not to doze off... it's hard for workers, too!) and the ceremonies and rituals associated with them, but I didn't do that nearly as much as Initiatories.
I confess I always hoped I would meet my husband while working at the temple, but there's really not a lot of opportunity. The men and women rarely really cross paths except in a few places and at certain times. Most of the brethren were old and married. I think I met about three in my age range, and usually from a distance and with little or no time to talk. At this point I still have one day to do it, followed by a YSA conference, but other than that, there was no such reward. So the search continues.
Over the past two years, I have made friends with women of many ages and enjoyed myself immensely, and learned, and grew, and received insight and inspiration. I have been a Priestess to my God. I am heartbroken to see this time come to an end, but I need to concentrate on my business and family matters here in Sebastopol. I cannot really afford the time or the money anymore, not at this period in my life and the world. I am optimistic that one day I will have such an experience again; whether married or single or old, here or elsewhere, I will serve in a temple once more.
My testimony has grown tremendously, and the reasons for my lifelong love of the temple have been made clear. Growing up, I always sought for the first instant I could see it's white edifice in the distance, and would often crane my neck around to catch the last glimpse when I'd leave. It has been a cornerstone in my life since childhood, and I know that the ordinances performed within can be binding and eternal to those who accept them through the Holy Spirit of Promise, both living and dead. They are not things to be taken lightly, nor shared with the world. They are sacred, holy, personal, and pure. I respect and honor my covenants, the ones I have made with my God and helped thousands of others make, as well. I love the temple, and I will miss being a Hostess and a Priestess of the Most High God.
I met with President and Sister Harwood, Counselor and an Assistant to the Matron in March after meeting with my Bishop and Stake President and receiving their recommendations. I received my official call by letter and was set apart a week or two before beginning work on the Saturday Mid shift. I was encouraged to work every week for a little while until I felt like I had everything down. I did, and I learned quickly. My supervisors and coordinators seemed pleased with my work. As a volunteer it was fairly simple, mostly directing traffic and escorting people, being a Hostess in the House of the Lord.
I spent a lot of time in the position behind the recommend desk, acting as a second or third set of eyes to be certain that no one came through without having their recommend verified, welcoming and bidding farewell to patrons coming and going, and telling them how to get to the locker rooms or waiting rooms. Occasionally I would escort couples and those receiving their Endowments to Record Verification, until it became apparent that it just didn't work during high volume periods to have my position absent even long enough to walk someone down the hall. As my coordinator was muddling over this, I asked why there couldn't be two sisters, since we knew when people were coming in for their live ordinances (weddings, sealings, and endowments.) She paused and mulled that over, and soon enough a new position specific to our shift was created. I don't know if it's still going on, but for several months, at least, it very much freed up the original post from having to chase her duties around that hallway.
I became an Ordinance Worker after about eight or nine months. I could have started sooner but for some reason, I hesitated. Suddenly, being able to commit to four shifts per month seemed much harder to schedule, so I doubled up and joined the PM shift, which made for two very long, wonderful days every month. I spent a lot of time in Initiatories, sometimes ending up there three and four times in a day, all told. I loved it. I had time to individually work with patrons and my fellow workers, and contemplate the deep and important promises given over the course of that ceremony. I spent a good amount of time as a follower in Endowment sessions (while trying not to doze off... it's hard for workers, too!) and the ceremonies and rituals associated with them, but I didn't do that nearly as much as Initiatories.
I confess I always hoped I would meet my husband while working at the temple, but there's really not a lot of opportunity. The men and women rarely really cross paths except in a few places and at certain times. Most of the brethren were old and married. I think I met about three in my age range, and usually from a distance and with little or no time to talk. At this point I still have one day to do it, followed by a YSA conference, but other than that, there was no such reward. So the search continues.
Over the past two years, I have made friends with women of many ages and enjoyed myself immensely, and learned, and grew, and received insight and inspiration. I have been a Priestess to my God. I am heartbroken to see this time come to an end, but I need to concentrate on my business and family matters here in Sebastopol. I cannot really afford the time or the money anymore, not at this period in my life and the world. I am optimistic that one day I will have such an experience again; whether married or single or old, here or elsewhere, I will serve in a temple once more.
My testimony has grown tremendously, and the reasons for my lifelong love of the temple have been made clear. Growing up, I always sought for the first instant I could see it's white edifice in the distance, and would often crane my neck around to catch the last glimpse when I'd leave. It has been a cornerstone in my life since childhood, and I know that the ordinances performed within can be binding and eternal to those who accept them through the Holy Spirit of Promise, both living and dead. They are not things to be taken lightly, nor shared with the world. They are sacred, holy, personal, and pure. I respect and honor my covenants, the ones I have made with my God and helped thousands of others make, as well. I love the temple, and I will miss being a Hostess and a Priestess of the Most High God.
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Serpent
RasJane posted an article on Mother Wheel for St. Patrick's Day regarding serpent mythology. Take a minute and go read it if you haven't already, it'll give you context to what I'm going to ramble about, and it is mostly a ramble.
I couldn't quite concentrate on the questions at the end of the article, I was stuck on the paragraphs immediately preceding where she discusses Eve and the serpent, and how the associated symbolism has deeply damaged women through the ages. I mused over my thoughts on the matter for a few days, and here's the rather stream-of-conciousness bunch of thoughts that came out.
I haven't thought much beyond that, at least not to record it, but those are the majority of my thoughts so far on this subject. What are your thoughts on mine?
I couldn't quite concentrate on the questions at the end of the article, I was stuck on the paragraphs immediately preceding where she discusses Eve and the serpent, and how the associated symbolism has deeply damaged women through the ages. I mused over my thoughts on the matter for a few days, and here's the rather stream-of-conciousness bunch of thoughts that came out.
Initiatories make it clear we are equals to and with men by the things we are anointed to [do]. We are blessed with divine entitlement to inspiration and knowledge and truth.
A veil is often primarily a feminine symbol and accoutrement. All of us have a veil of forgetfulness placed over our minds as we enter mortality, which separates us from Father and Mother, Brother, and Comforter(?). And indeed in the Biblical account, women have enmity placed between themselves and the symbol of the serpent, which is given to Lucifer. [Revise: taken on by Lucifer.] Lucifer was a seeker of knowledge, a light bearer, a son of the morning--all good things, things we are encouraged to emulate. Had Lucifer remained true and faithful, he would have been arguably among the very strongest and wisest allies of the Father. But he fell because of his pride and desire for power; perhaps these are what we are blessed with enmity against. Is not that enmity a protection in its aversion? But still, how does that fit with the symbolism of being cut off from the symbol of female power and wisdom, and having it seen as the embodiment of evil? Clearly this isn't a truism.
Is it related to the fact that we know so little about Mother? Are we cut off from Her? But there is no enmity between us and Her, only separation; She is no more our enemy than Father.
Lucifer becomes Satan; from light bearer to "father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not listen to [Christ's] voice." (Moses 4:4) Father made the serpent, but "Satan put it into the heart of the serpent...to beguile Eve" and we have been confused, lied to, and cheated ever since.
Did Satan choose the serpent as a counterfeit for Heavenly Mother? Godhood is incomplete with only one gender; he has always wanted God's power, so co-opting this feminine symbol would give him more "credibility", or appearance of it. He took the form of female creativity and wisdom and corrupted it, ensuring that it would then be used to crush God's daughters for millenia. Is it/It is then against this corrupted image that we are set. We are set at enmity with Satan, and the primary animosity is between he and Christ, the Son of Eve and not Adam.
I haven't thought much beyond that, at least not to record it, but those are the majority of my thoughts so far on this subject. What are your thoughts on mine?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Mortal Ambitions
I know our time here is limited, and we must at times forego the good in order to choose the better or best things in life for ourselves, our families, and our faith in Christ. I feel that, having eternity, we'll have ample opportunity to do just about any righteous thing we want to do, have every righteous experience to which we aspire. Perhaps it will be even better after "this frail existence", when we are strong and whole and able to appreciate them at even deeper levels than we're currently capable, in a perfect sphere of health and awareness.
Still, I must say that I wish I hadn't dawdled the past few years of my life away in uncertainty and dwelling on what wasn't, what had been, and what might still be. If I could have the past six years of my life back, knowing what I know now, I would have worked much harder, to provide myself a chance to do at least a few of the following.
I posted on Facebook earlier:
I know I'm supposed to be a mother. I don't know what that means yet, but I have that promise, as long as I'm faithful. These ambitions are good. In time, I will either fulfill many of them on my own, or with my family. I should likely plan and aim for them on my own, and if and when a family comes, they can join in the adventure.
Part of me dislikes that I've come to this place in my life, of having to plan to just get on with it and stop watching the metaphorical door, waiting for the right man to walk through it. However, concentrating on my disliking it only wastes my time. It doesn't lead anywhere, and it stops me from pursuing more interesting things than moping and pining. Like living in a yurt. Perhaps in Alaska.
Still, I must say that I wish I hadn't dawdled the past few years of my life away in uncertainty and dwelling on what wasn't, what had been, and what might still be. If I could have the past six years of my life back, knowing what I know now, I would have worked much harder, to provide myself a chance to do at least a few of the following.
- Live in a yurt for at least a year
- Go to Ireland
- Go to Alaska, possibly live there for at least a year
- Homestead on at least one acre of open ground, or five would be even better. A horse, chickens, and a goat or two would be very nice.
- Have five children
- Sing in or with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
- Improve my fiber art skills (sewing, knitting, crocheting, spinning, weaving)
- Be a traveling doula? At least a few times, if not fully professionally. The jury is out on this one, but it's an intriguing idea.
I posted on Facebook earlier:
"I have posted other, similar thoughts lately, and been urged by others (older, more experienced) to carry on and go for it. I wish I had my lost time back, but at this point, I may yet have another year or two or more of singleness, and it would be foolish to waste it in the hopes than I'll meet Mr. Right, drop everything, and start churning out kids in a desperate rush to cling to my best fertile years. Considering that I'm fairly convinced at present that no one but God can heal my present fertility dilemmas, I should probably stop worrying about it. Does fertility decline after 35? Probably. Does pregnancy after 40 have a higher tendency for complications? Yes. Does that mean I am guaranteed a biological dead end after January 1, 2017? No. Am I likely going to face hardship, even grief? Very likely.
I know I'm supposed to be a mother. I don't know what that means yet, but I have that promise, as long as I'm faithful. These ambitions are good. In time, I will either fulfill many of them on my own, or with my family. I should likely plan and aim for them on my own, and if and when a family comes, they can join in the adventure.
Part of me dislikes that I've come to this place in my life, of having to plan to just get on with it and stop watching the metaphorical door, waiting for the right man to walk through it. However, concentrating on my disliking it only wastes my time. It doesn't lead anywhere, and it stops me from pursuing more interesting things than moping and pining. Like living in a yurt. Perhaps in Alaska.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Making room for more
I was reading some posts on Rachel's blog, when I came across one on symbols, more specifically symbols of our priorities. This part in particular hit home...
I accumulate something. It may or may not actually be important but to me, at that moment, it is. Or it isn't, but I'm in a hurry, feeling lazy, or I don't have a place to put it.
I place it on the floor/front seat/on a chair/somewhere conveniently within arm's reach.
I go about whatever I'm doing. The item of questionable import may or may not get moved. If it's trash, it likely won't.
I have a lot of trash.
Papers, water bottles, mail, clothes, things I need to put away. It never seems like much at all individually, until it becomes this collective Pile Of Crap that I now need to sort through in order to regain my space and sanity.
I admit it; my life is a disaster area. I'm a borderline hoarder, and really... maybe not even borderline. There's this room in my life for Crap, to the point that there becomes no room for anything good, anything important. It applies to inanimate objects as well as people.
There's no room for passengers, not in my car, not in my life. I can't carry around my load of friends. I can't reserve a spot for a man riding shotgun. My Stuff creates a wall around me, a barrier of embarrassment, a monument, a tomb for my solitude. It keeps me from getting hurt because I can select those for whom I'm willing to sweep aside the detritus enough to carve them a niche. Shouldn't I be able to offer them better? Shouldn't I be able to offer myself better?
For a while now I've felt that my aversion to cleaning has been a HUGE part of what's keeping me single, that the Lord's waiting for me to very literally sort myself out before bringing my husband into my life. So why not get moving on it? Stasis. Inertia. Fear. A disproportionate feeling of responsibility for the happiness/socialization of two particular friends that I allow to suck me into thinking I need to be available for them way more often than I really do. And I'm addicted to the internet.
I have lost so much interest in life. I am becoming Depressed with a capital D. I need to get off this stupid box for a while.
OK time for another symbol. Your car. Is it full of the detritus of take-out, soccer practice, and last autumn's leaves? Think of this. Your car is a symbol of your freedom. It is your ticket to a better life. Treat it well, as a priority, and you will feel safe, free, and mobile. Maybe, like me, you've been putting off any excursions just because you know your car is desperate for an oil change, and you don't want to take it anywhere compromising. Do yourself a favor, clean it out and get it done. Add some blankets, emergency kit, a first aid kit, and some water bottles. You'll feel ready for anything. Then add a picnic and head up the canyon!My car is an unholy mess, so this spoke to me and started percolating in my mind. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tell someone "Sure, I'll give you a ride. Just give me a minute to clear off the front seat." No one has minded thus far, at least not out loud, but it has always been a little embarrassing. It's a product of how I live my life and it's evident in almost every space I inhabit.
I accumulate something. It may or may not actually be important but to me, at that moment, it is. Or it isn't, but I'm in a hurry, feeling lazy, or I don't have a place to put it.
I place it on the floor/front seat/on a chair/somewhere conveniently within arm's reach.
I go about whatever I'm doing. The item of questionable import may or may not get moved. If it's trash, it likely won't.
I have a lot of trash.
Papers, water bottles, mail, clothes, things I need to put away. It never seems like much at all individually, until it becomes this collective Pile Of Crap that I now need to sort through in order to regain my space and sanity.
I admit it; my life is a disaster area. I'm a borderline hoarder, and really... maybe not even borderline. There's this room in my life for Crap, to the point that there becomes no room for anything good, anything important. It applies to inanimate objects as well as people.
There's no room for passengers, not in my car, not in my life. I can't carry around my load of friends. I can't reserve a spot for a man riding shotgun. My Stuff creates a wall around me, a barrier of embarrassment, a monument, a tomb for my solitude. It keeps me from getting hurt because I can select those for whom I'm willing to sweep aside the detritus enough to carve them a niche. Shouldn't I be able to offer them better? Shouldn't I be able to offer myself better?
For a while now I've felt that my aversion to cleaning has been a HUGE part of what's keeping me single, that the Lord's waiting for me to very literally sort myself out before bringing my husband into my life. So why not get moving on it? Stasis. Inertia. Fear. A disproportionate feeling of responsibility for the happiness/socialization of two particular friends that I allow to suck me into thinking I need to be available for them way more often than I really do. And I'm addicted to the internet.
I have lost so much interest in life. I am becoming Depressed with a capital D. I need to get off this stupid box for a while.
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