Mother Fast 5: Overcoming Patriarchy

Hello, everyone.  It's that Sunday again.  Keeping on as a reminder of the "official" course of the Fast for this month, here's what I had outlined:

• A growing consciousness of the damages inflicted on humanity by traditions of patriarchy, the system of social, cultural, and religious rule by men to the exclusion and oppression of women and children.

I, however, will not be addressing this one this month in my own private Fast.  After last week's events, I'm instead going to be fasting for the leadership again, specifically the Prophet and the Apostles, that their hearts will be softened and opened to the weight of the people's need for Heavenly Mother, and that they will seek after revelation concerning Her.  I'll be praying that the message I sent with the Seventy will be (or has already been) seriously received and become a matter of pondering and consideration.

Whichever you choose, welcome to another month of sacrifice and dedication in the cause of our Goddess.  Thank you for being with me. :)

As a woman on fire

 "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning...  The visions and blessings of old are returning, and angels are coming to visit the earth."

I felt the burning of the Spirit tonight as I found myself with the opportunity to be the voice for thousands of women.  I haven't had many experiences so forceful in my life, but there was no mistaking the Spirit when it came and moved me.

We have a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy and an assisting Regional Authority in town this weekend to change our Stake Presidency.  At the end of adult session of Conference tonight, the Seventy gave us about 5 minutes to think of "inspired questions" that he or one of the others on the stand would answer.  He told us that he has a daily opportunity to eat lunch with members of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve at Church headquarters, conversing with them and that he has been on assignment with every Apostle or Prophet for the past 16 years.  He said that he would take the hard ones and the easy ones could be answered by his assistant, the Mission President, or a member of our Stake Presidency.

I knew I had to ask about Mother.


As I was waiting for our thinking time to be over, I had the whole heart racing, hands shaking, sweating Spirit prodding thing going.  I was determined to be first.  When he finally opened it, my hand shot up.  I know I wasn't first in the air, but he called me and the mic came my way.  I stood with racing heart and I asked, "As a woman, "How can I as a woman know who I'm going to become if we know so little about Heavenly Mother, and how can we learn about her?"

I don't think he quite got the eternal scope of the question--or if he did, he didn't address it that way, in my opinion--but his answer was still good.  He talked about consulting Patriarchal Blessings, reading the scriptures to familiarize myself with the voice of the Lord/Spirit, and praying (to Heavenly Father) to know more.  He also spoke about finding little packets of blessings (I liked that) along life's road that would lead and guide me in the right direction.  I was hoping for something grander, personally.  However, when I stepped back from my expectations, I found that the answer given was a confirmation of what I've done and what I'm doing, the direction I'm traveling.  Also, for those out there who may be asking and thinking they're alone, or who are afraid to ask, or who don't even know to ask, I think it was a good intro answer that--if nothing else--might open dialogue and searching.

I was in process of leaving the building after the meeting, when I got this strong feeling to go back.  I almost didn't, but the pull was so strong.  It wasn't a forceful push or a drag, it wasn't a command it was... assurance.  I walked back inside and stuck my head into the chapel.  I looked for him, didn't see him, started to leave again.  Again the feeling came, telling me to go back and keep looking.  I did, but I didn't see him, didn't see him... Finally, I saw him across the room.  Of course, there were a couple doen people chatting between us.  I made my way in his direction, trying to find a path.  I almost stopped to hug a friend of the family, but I said to myself, "No, I'm not here for that," and got through the gym to the opposite foyer.  As I went through the door and looked up, I found myself face to face with the mission president, who said mine was a very good question and shook my hand.  I nearly shook the hand of the Regional Authority but the mission president distracted him.  Just as he was turning back to me, the Seventy approached and shook my hand and thanked me for being present tonight.

I thanked him for coming and I put my hand over his.  Instantly, I began to tear up as I looked at him.  I was filled with the fire of the Spirit and the weight of women's need.  It enveloped me and seeped into me.  It fused with my being for 30 electrifying seconds.  I have felt such a sensation once before--this thick feeling of being engulfed in water but never drowning, only being pressed in upon by something omnipresent and holistic--as I entered a Celestial Room for the first time.  I stood before him, wearing an unseen mantle lent to me by the spirit of every woman who ever lived, and choked out the words, "Please... I've talked to so many women about this, and we're very concerned.  We want to know about our Mother.  Please take that back to them.  Let them know.  Please, take it back to them."

He said he would, and thanked me again.  The mantle did not lift from my being until I left the building.  I couldn't help the tears falling down my face.  It was likely confusing to those who had seen me just two minutes before going in the other direction with a smile on my face, but I had done what I needed to do.  I did it without little fear and less hesitation.  I felt the Spirit move me in ways I would not have moved myself under my own, often-timid power.


Now I pray and I hope--I desperately hope--that he felt the weight of our need, and he will take it back to the Apostles and Prophet.  I will be praying for that this week as I prepare for this month's Fast.  I will likely also go off the "planned subject schedule", personally, and go back to Fasting for our leaders' inspiration.  Now may be the right time.

May our prayers be heard and answered.

Edits: Corrections made to titles of participants.

One more shot of optimism

Regendered/Inclusive Doctrine & Covenants Section 4 (with gently modernized language)

Now behold, a marvelous work and a wonder is about to come forth among the children of women.

Therefore, O you that embark in the service of Goddess and God, see that you serve them with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that you may stand blameless before God and Goddess at the last day.

Therefore, if you have desires to serve Goddess and God you are called to the work.

For behold the field is white already to harvest; and she that thrusts in her sickle with her might, the same lays up in store that she perishes not, but brings salvation to her soul;

And faith, hope,charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God and Goddess, qualify her for the work.

Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, sisterly kindness, godliness, chairty, humilty, diligence.

Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.  Amen.

Enjoy General Conference!

An extra day of prayer

I went to bed last night realizing that tomorrow starts the main body of Conference.  (I consider Relief Society and Young Women's Conferences to be part of the body of General Conference, just like Priesthood Session, in spite of the week between them.)  I went to bed last night praying that the veil would be lifted from Mother's face.  I woke this morning to pray again for understanding to come forth this weekend.  I may or may not Fast. I probably should, I just don't know if it's feasible for me today.  However, I will not stop praying.  (Praying is a free action. /nerd joke)

Every day, I dress to honor God.  Today I will also dress to honor Goddess.

Every day, I act in and by the name of God.  Today, I will also act in and by the name of Goddess, that those I encounter will feel some part of Her love.  I will do what I can to fill the need for a "Mother in a Motherless house."

Every day, I carry God in the song of my heart.  Today, I will also carry Goddess in the music I play and the music I sing, that Her voice might be heard in the world.

I give thanks to God and Goddess for the inspiration for this Fast, for the growth it has brought me, and the journey I am on.  I give thanks for the people with me on this journey and their kind words and support.  I pray for the courage to share it with more people I know.

My hope is high, though the voice of my faith sounds a little shaky in my own ears.  I know it may not come this weekend--that ultimately, I believe it is up to our Parents' timing, no matter what skeptics and naysayers would say about patriarchy and suppression--but I do believe it will come.  I just pray that if my small efforts can be worth anything this weekend, they will be.

Please pray with me today.

Mysterious ways

I had a really tender, exceptional experience earlier this week in being used by the Lord as a tool in His purposes.  Perhaps not coincidentally, I had just read this post over at The Gift of Giving Life, and I feel like I was primed for it.

I had just finished a massage on Tuesday when I decided to linger after work and meditate.  I was parked on Main in one hour parking, but I knew that the meter maid is not that diligent to come back around anywhere close to an hour, if she was out, and was unworried about a ticket.  I needed the time to contemplate my business, to think about my location, my future there, and whether there might be a better place or way, and how I can start working to live, rather than living to work.  I was there until about three, and I left to go peer in the window of an open suite just upstairs and contemplate its merits.  (Pro: I'd have TONS of room for retail and even classes.  Con: I don't need that much space, and I'm certain it's ridiculously expensive.)  I came back downstairs, still feeling a need for alone time.  I checked my tires for chalk marks and went next door to Milk & Honey to order a drink and sit in their Goddess Lounge to contemplate.

I admit, I felt a little weird at first for seeking divine inspiration in there, but I decided to accept that it was a quiet(ish) space with much inspiring art and good intentions and I settled in to think.  I started to write and what came out was a beautifully affirming prose poem that truly felt like guidance.  I finished my drink, got up and decided to linger a little more and make sure there was nothing else I wanted before leaving.  I stayed maybe ten minutes, paid my tab and walked out just after 4.

I got in my car, looked up... and there was a ticket on my windshield.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I got out, picked it up and was looking for the chalk time when I heard a voice behind me.  A complete stranger had come up and said she'd seen the entire thing and was willing to vouch for me that I didn't deserve the ticket.  She was under the impression I hadn't been parked there that long (I'm not sure why, because I had), she had watched the ticket being written, and she wanted to write up a testimony for me to fight it.  Well okay then!  I took a picture of my un-chalked tires, and followed her into the salon where we exchanged information, and she--upon seeing my business card--decided to schedule a massage for the next morning, and she would bring her witness statement.

The next morning, as I'm going through the massage, I mention something and somewhat randomly she asks if I have children.  I say no, that I haven't found the right man to have them with.  She said she was sure I'd find someone wonderful, then asked a minute later if I went to church.  I said yes, and mentioned that I've been going to a "singles congregation" for almost a decade.  She paused and blurted out in a surprised voice, "Are you Mormon?"  I said I was, and she told me that she was a "non-practicing Mormon."  Well!  That was a surprise.

What followed was a conversation about how she had come into the church through her previous marriage, but she had lost her testimony through some dark times and hard experiences.  However, after about eight years, she was at a point where she was really thinking about coming back, just wanting to at least walk into a meeting and attend.  I told her she would know when she was ready, that the Lord knew her and knew what she was going through, what she had gone through, and He would be ready for her return.  She confided that this time in her life had been foretold in her Patriarchal blessing, but that it would end, and she would rise out of it.  She still strongly believed in that blessing.  Toward the end of the massage, she tearfully asked me to pass her information on the the missionaries.  I asked if she'd like to be on the temple prayer roll, and she agreed, gratefully.  She left afterwards, looking so happy and hopeful.  I called the missionaries a few hours later and passed on her information.  I haven't heard yet how it went, but I am hopeful, myself, and optimistic.

I feel very strongly that the Lord wants this daughter back.  There were 3 or 4 times when I could have made a different decision--gone home, moved my car, paid sooner--and I never would have been in the place to meet her.  I thought at first it was just the Lord delivering me a new client and some much needed money at the end of the month, but I have no doubt that what I received on Earth pales in comparison with the sweet experience and possibilities brought about through matters of Heaven.

To overflowing

The Lord dug deep until I was empty,
And I said, "Lo, I am a vessel.
Fill me."