Truncated Muddle

Oh, life is a muddle.  I can't even quite gather my thoughts here, but I'll try.

I've slowed my posting of late for a lot of reasons, and I feel like I've talked about this before but I really can't recall.  The Mother Fast is still going.  I'm still wishing I knew how many people are participating.  I've had no entries on the "Awake and Arise" anthem contest thingy.  None.  Not a one.  Well, except from a small group of friends with whom I discussed it before even putting it out there for entries.  I'm a tiny corner of the internet--not even a corner, really, more like a nail dent in a wall--

And Blogger ate my post.  *sigh.*  *fistshake*  Maybe it's for the best, it was mostly just me freaking out about life in general.  That's not really the purpose of this blog.  Here's a run-down, anyway.

• Mom's improving, albeit slowly.  The situation's still stressful.
• I suck at my business.  I'm good at my work!  But I'm terrible at my business.  This must change.
• I'm questioning things about myself lately that I never thought I'd question and I'm wondering if it's because of reality or general frustration with where I am in life.
• In spite of crap, my life's still pretty good.  I'm just stressed and scattered and in need of balance, grounding, and centering.  I'm also very seriously considering adding Reiki to my healing repertoire once I chill out a bit.

On a side note, I got a message on Facebook this morning from a friend who said she'd shared some information about circumcision with her brother and sister-in-law and they had decided that if they were having a boy, they wouldn't circumcise.  And they're having a boy!  WOO!  One more whole baby going home with all his God-given parts!  Yay!

Okay, I'm done.  I'm off to keep muddling through.  Off to go forth and try to conquer.  Away!

Sorry, gotta go off-topic for a minute

I gotta say it somewhere.  Pardon my French, but...

CANCER SUCKS.

It sucks for everyone.  It sucks for the person with cancer and it sucks for the people taking care of them.  It sucks for friends who feels powerless to do anything.  It sucks for family members who have to watch their loved one fight it.

Treatment sucks.

Doctor visits suck.

Side effects suck BIG. TIME.

I hate cancer.  I hate what fighting it is doing to my mother.  I hate what the stress is doing to my family and myself.  I hate that I'm probably going to lose my Mommy years earlier than I thought.  I HATE that whatever there is about me that leaves me single means that--with no one currently on the horizon--I may eventually only have my mother with me in spirit when/if I do get married.  I hate that because I've long felt like the one between my sister and I whose "job" it was to give our parents granddaughters (since she has all boys), now that my sister is having a girl, if I am totally honest, I feel like I have failed my Mom because my sister "had" to take over that duty.  (I know that's probably not the case and I've taken it all on myself, but that's my reality nevertheless.)

I can't/won't drop the F-bomb myself ("sucks" is an evolution in vocabulary for me) so I'm going to let XKCD do it for me.  (A worthwhile look even if profanity offends you.  Choose to get over it for two minutes and click the link.  Believe me: the profanity applies.)

Cancer. Sucks.