sigh
Well, I did say I wanted to get it all done with at once. Everything. Death, memorial, Mother's Day... That should make next year easier. It also makes this year really, really hard. Finally, it's beginning to sink in that she's beyond the veil, that life is different, that it's just Dad and I at home and that while she might be around in spirit.... she's not there in body. At least it's really starting to hurt. Today is really going to suck.
So I have two Mothers beyond the veil whose presence I can know no more of than to feel, if I'm lucky. I might have three, if my birth mother hasn't survived this long, but I don't know much of anything about her, so I can't really feel attached, there. How do I honor these women this day?
Well, for one, today I am only saying my prayers to Heavenly Mother. Father can listen in, but I'm talking to my Mom. I will take any opportunity to speak about Her. I would be wearing goddess earrings and my tree and/or labyrinth pendants if I had them with me, but Dad and I are with my sister's family out of town. I will cuddle my niece and hug my sister. I will listen to and hum or sing women's songs. I will treat my father kindly and sit beside him and scratch his back the way Mom used to do. I will honor my sisters who are mothers and console, commiserate, or celebrate with my sisters who are not. I will hold space with those also missing their mothers today, and mothers missing their babies.
And I will mourn honestly and openly and in whatever way I damn well please, be it weeping or donuts or seclusion or walking out of Sacrament meeting if I hear the phrase "We/You are all mothers" and it upsets me because I'm sick of that platitude and it's insulting and patronizing. I will be grumpy if I feel like it because I miss my Mom. And I'll be happy if I feel like it because I had my Mom. I'll be and do whatever gets me through this day.
Peaceful Mother's Day to you all.
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What if...: Wildly speculative and heretical
"What if..."
To my understanding, there are many gods, and possibly many levels of gods (as in "they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there" D&C 132: 19) on the way up to becoming a God the Father or God the Mother. Whether there's all separate universes or if it's divvied up by planets or star systems or galaxies, I don't know--I don't wanna get into those particulars--but assuming that the whole "as man is, God once was; as God is, man may become" idea that we base a lot of our beliefs on is true, there's a truckload of deities in existence somewhere out there, here or in other realms/planes/what have you. And we're told that once you receive your immortality after judgment, you're not going to die anymore.
But what if... we've misinterpreted or misunderstood.
I have no citations to back me up here, these are just the ideas running around in my head, but... what if the reason we don't hear about or worship Mother anymore--and haven't for thousands of years--is that... She died? Or was killed? We assume all gods must be good, but what if they're not? What if the greater reality is more like the drama and warfare of the ancient pantheons, where gods and goddesses are born, live, and die or are otherwise defeated with a fair amount of regularity? The logic of "there can be no Father without a Mother" would still hold true, because She helped create us in the past. As far as I know, all official Mormon theology regarding Her has been strictly logical; I've never heard of a Prophet--even Joseph--specifically saying, "There is a living, embodied Goddess, too."
So what if she just isn't there anymore, and we literally cannot get in touch with her or hope to bring her back into acknowledgment in our faith?
Sometimes I deeply dislike the speculative parts of my brain.
EDIT: I feel I should clarify. This post is not a response to the lack of Mother-ly references in General Conference. I've had these thoughts spinning around in my head for a few weeks now, perhaps a month, and I felt the need for the cathartic purge before they could fester any more.
To my understanding, there are many gods, and possibly many levels of gods (as in "they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there" D&C 132: 19) on the way up to becoming a God the Father or God the Mother. Whether there's all separate universes or if it's divvied up by planets or star systems or galaxies, I don't know--I don't wanna get into those particulars--but assuming that the whole "as man is, God once was; as God is, man may become" idea that we base a lot of our beliefs on is true, there's a truckload of deities in existence somewhere out there, here or in other realms/planes/what have you. And we're told that once you receive your immortality after judgment, you're not going to die anymore.
But what if... we've misinterpreted or misunderstood.
I have no citations to back me up here, these are just the ideas running around in my head, but... what if the reason we don't hear about or worship Mother anymore--and haven't for thousands of years--is that... She died? Or was killed? We assume all gods must be good, but what if they're not? What if the greater reality is more like the drama and warfare of the ancient pantheons, where gods and goddesses are born, live, and die or are otherwise defeated with a fair amount of regularity? The logic of "there can be no Father without a Mother" would still hold true, because She helped create us in the past. As far as I know, all official Mormon theology regarding Her has been strictly logical; I've never heard of a Prophet--even Joseph--specifically saying, "There is a living, embodied Goddess, too."
So what if she just isn't there anymore, and we literally cannot get in touch with her or hope to bring her back into acknowledgment in our faith?
Sometimes I deeply dislike the speculative parts of my brain.
EDIT: I feel I should clarify. This post is not a response to the lack of Mother-ly references in General Conference. I've had these thoughts spinning around in my head for a few weeks now, perhaps a month, and I felt the need for the cathartic purge before they could fester any more.
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