A Sunday at Heart to Heart Ministries

I can be such a lazy blogger.  I've been meaning to write this post for three weeks now.

The first Sunday for this month, I went to hear a friend sing at the Sunday service held at a local interfaith spiritual center.  All kinds were there: Christians, Jews, Pagans, Buddhists, etc.  Everyone was just there to hear something uplifting and be in a community with other spiritual people.  It was a lot like Relief Society, actually; joyful, friendly, chatty, fun, easy-going, emotional, and hilarious, with twenty-seven women to three men in attendance.  (If your Relief Society doesn't sound like that--men aside--I am so sorry and I sincerely hope things liven up soon.)

It was the first time in my life I really realized that our meetings can be extremely boring.

I've been to Pentecostal services a couple of times and have observed how very much more lively those are than your average Mormon service.  However, I find they have their own brand of boring for me.  (I find praise music really repetitive and after the fifth or sixth go-round of "Holy, holy, holy" I'm kind of done.  I'm also not a big fan of electric guitars and keyboards for accompaniment in a worship service.  It works for some people but not for me.)  That being said, I'm now going to totally contradict myself and say how much I enjoyed having homemade percussion instruments (plastic bottles of rice and such) and singing popular inspirational songs.  Maybe it's because it was having "audience" participation in the music making or that I felt that the songs contained messages for living life rather than just giving repetitious praise.  Maybe it's my personal evolution.  I don't know, but the music aspect was less repetitious than a Pentecostal service, and more make-the-every-day-sacred than an LDS one.

Not sung while I was there, but I had to take a picture.

There were four ministers, and all of them are women.  That was a somewhat new experience, though the energy and atmosphere they brought was very familiar from my Relief Society experience.  They even had and exchange of what my ward calls a "good news minute", thought they called it "one minute miracles."  The big difference there was that they took about fifteen to twenty minutes to share these, where we usually try to keep it under five.  One minister was the primary leader of the service, with interjections and contributions from the other three from time to time.  Two of them led a guided meditation, one speaking, one playing a wood flute at the back of the room.  The primary minister then gave a sermon that spanned from the chakras (especially the "sacred heart") into giving love unconditionally, relating a gut-wrenching personal story of a tragic situation in her own family.  It was one of the best expressions on the subject I've ever heard.  After the sermon, my friend sang "I Hope You Dance".  That would never fly in a Sacrament meeting, but it was really lovely and appropriate in the setting.  We finished by standing up around the room, holding hands and singing together as a group.  Afterwards, people milled around, congratulated my friend, and mingled with one another.

It was a fascinating, juicy experience, and a nice change of pace from the so-reverent-it's-dry trap that is easy to fall into in many LDS wards.  I appreciate the need for reverence, I really do, and I tend to relate better to sacred music that's dignified and dedicated to worship, but I got more out of attending that meeting that Sunday than I've gotten out of many a Sunday where I "belong".  We need to be more like that.  We need a spiritual passion and fire and real world application that's meaningful not only to other people but to ourselves.  The fire doesn't always burn high and hot--sometimes it's barely an ember--but I think a few little injections of spirit would help people feel the Spirit a little more than maybe we do.  Let's get excited and be excited about the Gospel and God and faith and charity and good works and our divine natures.  That stuff is awesome!

Mother Fast 2: Discernment

Good morning everyone (well, it's still morning for me.)  Sorry I didn't get this up earlier than, well, now.  Welcome to any new Fasters, and many thanks to Sybil for publishing the podcast this past week.

Late reminder that this month's "purpose" is the gift of discernment: "Sensitivity to the Spirit in order to discern truth and receive inspiration, revelation, visions, dreams, and any other applicable manifestations that may come."  This is, of course, just a suggestion.  Fast for what you feel you need.

Also, here's a video I got off of someone in a Facebook group:  The Mystery Woman Of Revelation Revealed: The Name of The Holy Spirit

The woman presenting takes the view that the Holy Spirit is female and, in fact, our Heavenly Mother.  I'm still contemplating that idea, myself, but she lays out the evidence in an interesting way.  She is a bit longwinded ("Hello, Kettle, my name is Pot") and repetitious, but I think its worth a view if you've got about half an hour.


Have a lovely fasting day, and as always, I'd love to hear about any of your experiences in the comments.

Response to podcast comments

If I feel strongly about something and I'm given free rein, I tend to talk a lot.  ("Phoenix" is a prime example.)  I'm posting the following here on my blog so I don't flood the comments here because I just can't shut up! ;)

Stacey and Anonymous -- I'll reply to you together since you speak along similar lines.

At the very least, I would really like to see the three points I mentioned addressed: nature, duties, power: What her character is like, what she's in charge of or what she's involved in (e.g. is she the ultimate Head of RS/YW? That was a speculation I heard as a youth that I forgot to mention), and her place in the Priesthood relationship she shares with Heavenly Father, and whether she has her own Priestesshood.  I feel it's very clear from the temple that eternal companions are meant to be equals in power, and I really am starting to believe that the current unequal standing is a result of misunderstanding and culture.  (I will be opining on that in a post in the nearish future so stay tuned if you care about my opinion. ;) )  So that is the bare minimum I want to see.

I don't specifically call for more because I feel like getting those questions answers opens many, many doors, and I (personally) want to remain open to what comes from it rather than possibly get stuck on asking the "wrong" question(s) and be closed off to receiving what what God wants to give.  After all, my views and opinions of how I think of Her could be wrong and I'm open to be corrected.  If I could have all I wished, though: I'd like to know her name.  I want to see the misunderstanding/cultural block mentioned above removed, and the authority that I feel is given in conjunction with temple covenants openly acknowledged and utilized.  I would like to see Her spoken of as an intelligent individual who works with her husband.  I want enough information about her to have something for women to sink their teeth into, chew on, take into themselves, and make a part of themselves.  I want whatever comes to infuse every cell of every woman who accepts it with an electric sense of her divine nature and potential, not as a platitude or even an attitude, but as spiritual knowledge.

I feel that being given something concrete and specific about the Feminine Divine will inherently result in a shift in the way women are perceived, treated, and involved in the Church.  Full integration and acceptance will take time.  Realistically, I see the shift possibly taking much longer than acceptance of the Priesthood being extending to all worthy males, because that "only" affected specific populations and those immediately around them.  To my knowledge, regions with a small or non-existent population of African descent would have been relatively unaffected by that change.  That won't apply if we have a similar opening up for women.  It has the potential for major culture clash around the world.  It flies in the face of thousands of years of patriarchy and that's going to make a lot of people very uncomfortable.

However, for all that and the accompanying difficulties, I can't help but believe it will be ultimately for the betterment of all.  I believe the advantage would be worth it's Emersonian tax.  (Okay, so that's taking the allusion slightly out of context.  Work with me here.)  I unequivocally believe that having a picture of female Divinity--Priesthood or Priestesshood--would only give us more tools with which to do the work we already perform.  I'm sure some would warn that giving women authority would lead to them thinking they don't need the men, but I disagree.  Men have more to offer women than Priesthood, and women have more to offer men than obedience.  I think it would bring better focus and clarity to the eternal partnership that is so stressed in our teachings about marriage and family life.  We will learn better how men and women can be true complements--yin and yang--when one isn't perceived as always needing to defer to the other.  I do think the vision of a Mother God would encourage interconnectedness, cooperation, acceptance, and appreciation of the strength men and women can bring each other.  I have nothing but hope and expectation that such a revelation would indeed improve the lives of women and children wherever it touches them.

Does that cover it?   I hope so.  Stacey, may I hear why it became a hard podcast to listen to for you.  And I think I get what you mean by "pushing back", but I'd love a little elaboration if you don't mind. :) Thank you both so much for your responses and thoughts and for listening.  Wherever you are in your journeys, I hope you'll consider my invitation.  And as for my passion and optimism... to take from Emerson again (I loves me them there Transcendentalists!): " Every great achievement is the victory of a flaming heart." So thank you! :D

Musings on the need for a living Prophet

Not really after conclusions, just thinking "out loud" and maybe conclusions will find me.  And maybe they won't.  *musemuse...*

One of the biggest "selling points" that the Church has is the claim that we have a Prophet of God alive and working on the Earth today: praying for and about us and our world, receiving revelation, giving guidance to those who will listen, etc.  We sustain fifteen men in all--the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency--as prophets, seers, and revelators, but only one is the Prophet, the one man who holds all keys of Priesthood authority and whose word is considered not just useful, but generally final.  There is the encouragement, of course, for every person to pray for personal confirmation of the Prophet's words and their application in the life of the individual, but there are a great many of us willing to forgo that step in favor of simply following the Prophet by faith.

Until or unless what the Prophet gives as a general guideline doesn't fit our personal circumstances.  Things start to get a little hairy at that point.

I don't know if I want to get into the particulars of those occurrences at this time, that's not really what I'm musing about but I may wander that way as I think.  I'm contemplating more about the intersection of mysticism and following the Prophet.  For the purpose of clarity, here's the definitions of mysticism under which I'm operating.

Mysticism:  n. "2. a doctrine of an immediate spiritual intuition of truths believed to transcend ordinary understanding, or of a direct, intimate union of the soul with god through contemplation or ecstasy." ;  "2. a system of contemplative prayer and spirituality aimed at achieving direct intuitive experience of the divine." ;
In religion, the attempt by an individual to achieve a personal union with God or with some other divine being or principle. Mystics generally practice daily meditation.

The personal relationship we are told we can have with God and that we are encouraged to pursue is  mysticism.  "God hears and answers personal prayers."  "The Holy Ghost will testify to you of truth."  "You can receive personal revelation."  Mysticism.  I think it takes a lot of the "woo-woo" connotation out of the term when you look at it this way; it starts to feel very normal.  So!  That makes Mormons a bunch of mystics.  So how do we reconcile that with the need for a Prophet?  If we can receive our own revelation, why do we need someone else to do it for us?  That's a good, fair question.

Spiritual gifts are mentioned several times in the scriptures (my links are by no means comprehensive) among them faith, prophesy, belief, understanding, etc.  What is almost always brought up in conjunction with lists of these gifts is the caveat that not everyone has the same gifts, and among those with the same gift, there are different levels of natural ability.  I would also say it follows that among the levels of natural ability, there are those who put more or less work into improving their gifts.  We're left then with a wide spectrum of ability and understanding mixed in to the flow of every day life.  Culture, language, history, family dynamics, friend dynamics, hormone balance, mental and physical health, life experience, socio-economic standing, education, natural disasters, and personal philosophy can all profoundly impact the way we think and act and what we want.  Individual circumstances are the essence of diversity, and that's wonderful, but it can also make it very hard to find Truth.  Universal, overarching Truth.  Prophets help guide us toward Truth, if we're willing to listen.

Of course, that brings up the fact that no two groups seem able to agree on what Truth is.  (Thus why they're groups rather than one unit.)  So how does one find who is a True Prophet?  As MormonsN we go right back to mysticism; we ask for Divine confirmation.  So, assuming we get confirmation, doesn't that prove we have our own Divine hotline?  So why a Prophet?  But we just had the confirmation, so shouldn't we follow that feeling and follow the Prophet?  Perhaps we didn't feel a confirmation at all, so does that mean the Prophet is false or that maybe we have more searching to do?  Are we asking the right way?  Are we receiving the answer in the way we think we should, or are we getting it in a way we don't want.


Billions of people around the world struggle with these questions and the answers will vary from person to person.  Diversity is hardwired into the system, so it must be part of the Plan, though not the very linear Plan we hear described in lessons.  There is proxy temple work to cover those who pass on without the opportunity to accept or reject the Gospel, but even then... why plan for billions of people to live by mystic connections alone, if they even maintain or acknowledge them?  It results in so many different ways of thinking and feeling and believing and being, some of which go so far aside that even with the presence of a true prophet that they no longer recognize the authority.  Still others get so stuck on prophets of the past that they can't accept prophets in the present and change with them.  This happens even among those who believe in modern prophets.


Still, change does come, because we live in a changing, diverse, multi-cultural, multi-philosophical (is that a term?  Is now!) world.  So having one steady, consistent voice, one keel directing the ship is a lot less frustrating.  Or maybe it's a flagship, and we're all just in little dinghies rowing along in the wake, trying to just end up in the same harbor.  We just happen to be equipped with our own sextant, if we know how to use it to confirm the course.  So you can follow the flag ship, use the sextant, or do both... Or neither!


I'm done musing for today.  I have to get to work, and my brain feels full.

Phoenix

Last week, I recorded a podcast episode for Daughters of Mormonism.  In it I talked a fair amount about a relationship I've alluded to here in past posts, and in context of that episode being aired soon (the 17th, to be exact) (Edit: link) I'd like to take the time to fill out the story.  My hope is that anyone who hears my experience will learn from it and either use that knowledge for themselves or to help someone else.  These things can and do happen everywhere, something I didn't fully realize until they happened to me..

What follows is the "abbreviated" version of my story, and the events discussed are intensely personal and sensitive.  Nearly eight years later, I still deal with many of these memories on a regular basis.  I hesitated for over a week before deciding to post.  I ask you to please be respectful of what it took for me to write this down and share it publicly.  If you don't want to read the account of an abusive relationship, you can skip this post.  There's much to say after the jump.

Today's Recommended Listening

Daughters of Mormonism #8 - Eve as Balance to Christ

In this episode from May, Sybil presents an enlightening bit of her own spiritual thinking about the nature and role of Mother Eve in the Plan of Happiness.  Parts of what she discusses have skimmed across my brain over the years, but her thoughts have been much deeper than my own and I find the way she puts things to be very enriching.  I had never looked at my own womanhood in quite this way, and it gives me some hope and even a new tool for reaching forward in my physical and spiritual progression.

Head on over and listen if you haven't already.  Even if you have, it's worth a second listen.  (For the squeamish and/or male, she talks quite a bit about menstruation.  Just an FYI.)

I should probably get over it

I have just one very clear memory of being told, though in not so many words, "There is no power in women."

I was in an Institute class back in 2005.  I believe we were discussing the story of Eden, and something in the conversation--probably related to Eve--prompted me to comment about how in the relationship I had left the year before, my ex-fiance had treated me in such a way that he denied my rights and power as a woman.  I didn't want to go into much detail over the abuses that had been laid upon me, the unrighteous dominion he had attempted to enforce, and the downright criminal acts he had committed against me.  (Those are stories for another day, another post.)  The subject was still raw and vivid in my mind, and much of it was too personal to air at that time.

I've never forgotten the look on the teacher's face as I said that, though.  It was that "I hate to disagree with you, but I can't endorse what you're saying."

"I'm a woman, too, but men are the leaders."

"He may have been doing it poorly, but men have the authority."

"I sympathize with your pain, but women have no authority.  We have no rights to power."

I can understand the somewhat awkward position my statement put her in as an instructor, particularly in a setting involving her responsibility to teach the traditional story of Eden in a prescribed manner, but that look.  That look.  That look that said she was scrambling in her head for what to say to keep the discussion from getting too dangerous, too blasphemous, too feminist.  To keep it from deviating too far toward addressing the inequalities women are subjected to on a daily basis, or addressing the uncomfortable reality that abuse of all kinds can be and is perpetrated by members of the Church, just as it is in every human society or culture.  That wasn't the point of the lesson, after all.

I don't remember what she said exactly, but I remember how it translated; Of course men should respect and honor women, but as women, we have no power of our own.

It makes me cringe just to write that sentence, just as my heart withered a little inside me when it happened.  I love and respect this woman to this day, but in that moment, our sisterhood was betrayed.  Our solidarity as women was dented a little bit.  She stood up for patriarchy and her lesson material, instead of hearing what I was saying and acknowledging that what I did explain of what my ex did was wrong.  She did not stand with me, and she denied an opportunity for the class to expand themselves.

I know it's a small thing, and I know I will forgive her.  Like the title says, I need to get over it.  Now that I'm acknowledging that feeling and recognizing it for what it is, I finally can work on it.  I can dampen, silence the echoing words, "Women have no power."  I knew it was a falsehood then.  My heart rebelled against the very idea.  I know it even better now.  Women have tremendous power... but that's another post, too.

Scriptures that inform my Feminism #1

As mentioned, a lot of the reasons I declare myself a Feminist are founded in my faith and spirituality.  In this first of what I hope to be many posts in a series, here are a few verses that inform the way I feel about feminism, faith, roles and relations of the sexes, and why I think the way I do about them.

Bolded emphases are my own.

Doctrine and Covenants 121

 36  That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

 37  That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.  [...]

 39  We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

 40  Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

 41  No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

In other words, holding the Priesthood doesn't automatically make a man the leader in a given situation, just because he's the Priesthood holder.  (I'm not even touching gender roles at the moment.)  Having been on course to marry a very poor example of a Priesthood holder, these verses have brought me a lot of validation and peace as a woman that God does not expect me to put up with nor put myself under unrighteous dominion.

Proverbs 31: 10-31  (Cherry-picked for the sake of brevity, but do read the link and take it as a unit.)

10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. [...]
25  Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.[...]
31  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

I think Proverbs 31 is an awesome example of not only a righteous woman, but a woman with intelligence, skill, drive, and ambition.  Her presence improves her community; her industry improves the situation of herself and her family.  She is strong; "virtue" can refer not only to purity and holiness, but also to power, strength, or authority. And while being the do-it-all Superwoman is a topic for another post, I love the concurrent themes of faithful womanhood, motherhood, and the marriage of two equally honorable partners