A beautiful, loving prayer by Sister Jean A. Stevens, the first woman to pray in General Conference in recorded history! Following wonderful, Jesus-full talks by George A Cardon and Henry B. Eyring, it was a wonderful cap to this morning's session, and balm upon my irritation over intolerance, "stolen" virtue and chastity, gender roles, and vacuuming.
<3
Showing posts with label herstory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label herstory. Show all posts
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Phoenix
Last week, I recorded a podcast episode for Daughters of Mormonism. In it I talked a fair amount about a relationship I've alluded to here in past posts, and in context of that episode being aired soon (the 17th, to be exact) (Edit: link) I'd like to take the time to fill out the story. My hope is that anyone who hears my experience will learn from it and either use that knowledge for themselves or to help someone else. These things can and do happen everywhere, something I didn't fully realize until they happened to me..
What follows is the "abbreviated" version of my story, and the events discussed are intensely personal and sensitive. Nearly eight years later, I still deal with many of these memories on a regular basis. I hesitated for over a week before deciding to post. I ask you to please be respectful of what it took for me to write this down and share it publicly. If you don't want to read the account of an abusive relationship, you can skip this post. There's much to say after the jump.
What follows is the "abbreviated" version of my story, and the events discussed are intensely personal and sensitive. Nearly eight years later, I still deal with many of these memories on a regular basis. I hesitated for over a week before deciding to post. I ask you to please be respectful of what it took for me to write this down and share it publicly. If you don't want to read the account of an abusive relationship, you can skip this post. There's much to say after the jump.
Monday, July 25, 2011
How the LDS Church grew this Feminist
I was inadvertently raised to become a Feminist, and my faith is a large part of how that happened.
Among Christian traditions, I have to say that the LDS Church makes some of the best efforts of which I'm aware to show respect to women, and to honor our Mother Eve and Heavenly Mother. Things may not get done perfectly and the damaging effects of patriarchy still exist, but I grew up hearing that even though She's not talked about much, She is there, and while the idea that she's "too sacred to be discussed" to be completely groundless, she is revered as being sacred. Eve's choice in the Garden is respected as a glorious one without which we could not exist or progress (see third section "Great Blessings...") I was told that if no Priesthood holder was present, I could call upon the authority of one with stewardship over me and exercise it in an hour of need if I was worthy.
The Young Women programs (MIA, Camp, etc.) taught me that I was the daughter of God, that I had a divine nature and individual worth. I entered the oldest women's organization in the world at age 18 and began learning how to relate to women of many ages and life stages and circumstances. In Young Women, Especially For Youth, Institute, and Relief Society, I was told repeatedly that any man who said I had to do anything (marrying him was usually the example given, but other things were included) "because he held the Priesthood" was in the wrong, that I had an immutable right to my own revelation, and the right to tell him to shove it. (I don't remember who I heard say it, but someone along the way suggested that any man who proposed by saying he'd received a revelation that we should marry should be rejected. In a letter. Mailed Second Class.) (Edit: It was Elder Scott at a fireside in Arizona. (Thanks Jana!) Elder Scott also delivered a gently scalding reprimand to a young man at that meeting for something he expressed regarding a potential wife, but that's another post.)
A feminist foundation is present and alive in the Church, even if construction of an equitable living space upon it is slow. It was because of that foundation that I first began to realize my feminism, the reason I grew up believing that I was personally entitled to access the Divine, and that God loved me no matter what, even if sometimes I didn't feel worthy of it because of my mistakes. It wasn't until I was an adult that I began to recognize that other women hadn't caught the same half of the vision that I had, or indeed that there were halves to it, or quarters, or any other fraction. I naively assume that there were the righteous women who knew who they were and attracted good, righteous, kind husbands; and then there were the women on the fringes who didn't know who they were, who felt like they had cause to be angry, worldly, or both, and dated/married losers.
Yeah. I was one of those. One of the quietly and lovingly self-righteous, who just hoped she could be Christ-like enough not to let the judgment show through the piety. Forgive me, Sisters, for I have sinned. I mean that sincerely. I truly was naive.
But like Eve, I came to be aware of a certain fruit. It felt like I had received a commandment not to touch it, not to be like one of those, those.... Feminists. *gasp!* (Nice us/them theme going on here, right? Yeah.) But Feminism came and made her case. We carried on a dialogue as I considered the options. I pondered. I secretly began to understand. In time I made my choice and partook of the Forbidden Feminist Fruit.
My eyes were opened and I saw so much more. I began to understand, to recognize justice and injustice, balance, unity, expansion. Feminism gave shape and purpose to the foundation the Church had laid for me, and the Church gave my Feminism depth and intricacy. Feminism taught me what the Church hasn't quite gotten around to yet; that I can offer more things to the world than only bearing and rearing the next generation. The Church taught me that my capacities and traits as a person, as a woman, for change, creation, ambition, determination are eternal and Divine parts of Me. Several of my Feminist Sisters (and one who doesn't identify as Feminist to my knowledge) have set awesome examples for me of righteous, adventurous, independent, strong women who advocate for a better world, seek out knowledge, build their homes and families, and stand side-by-side with their husbands.
I'm not alone on this path, nor the only one to see newly with these eyes. More and more women are having their eyes opened; many "mainstream" Mormon women are partaking of this Fruit as our Mother Eve did once before, seeing how unprotected, how naked we have been before the onslaught of misogyny throughout the ages. I did, and I'm seeing more and more signs of it in those around me. In fact, I think it is much easier and less traumatic for LDS women to expand and adapt their identities and thought patterns into Feminism than many--if not most--faith traditions under the Abrahamic umbrella. There is a broad range of experience of course, as with anything, but by our tenets and the things we uphold, I do think it's less of a leap than a hop to bridge the gap. We have the foundation.
Don't be afraid if you find yourself or someone you know waking up to the inner Feminist, though it is not without controversy or difficulty. Neither was the choice made in Eden. We change and thereby our worlds change, but the more of us at the "core" who expand ourselves to include the "margins", the less they will be margins: the greater understanding , the more common ground and solidarity as a people we will have. The wider and deeper we water the tree of Zion, the stronger and deeper its roots, the more nourishment the body will receive.
We are the roots and the watering can together. We are the ones who make and drive change. We are, as Harriett Beecher Stowe famously said, the real architects of society.
Among Christian traditions, I have to say that the LDS Church makes some of the best efforts of which I'm aware to show respect to women, and to honor our Mother Eve and Heavenly Mother. Things may not get done perfectly and the damaging effects of patriarchy still exist, but I grew up hearing that even though She's not talked about much, She is there, and while the idea that she's "too sacred to be discussed" to be completely groundless, she is revered as being sacred. Eve's choice in the Garden is respected as a glorious one without which we could not exist or progress (see third section "Great Blessings...") I was told that if no Priesthood holder was present, I could call upon the authority of one with stewardship over me and exercise it in an hour of need if I was worthy.
The Young Women programs (MIA, Camp, etc.) taught me that I was the daughter of God, that I had a divine nature and individual worth. I entered the oldest women's organization in the world at age 18 and began learning how to relate to women of many ages and life stages and circumstances. In Young Women, Especially For Youth, Institute, and Relief Society, I was told repeatedly that any man who said I had to do anything (marrying him was usually the example given, but other things were included) "because he held the Priesthood" was in the wrong, that I had an immutable right to my own revelation, and the right to tell him to shove it. (I don't remember who I heard say it, but someone along the way suggested that any man who proposed by saying he'd received a revelation that we should marry should be rejected. In a letter. Mailed Second Class.) (Edit: It was Elder Scott at a fireside in Arizona. (Thanks Jana!) Elder Scott also delivered a gently scalding reprimand to a young man at that meeting for something he expressed regarding a potential wife, but that's another post.)
A feminist foundation is present and alive in the Church, even if construction of an equitable living space upon it is slow. It was because of that foundation that I first began to realize my feminism, the reason I grew up believing that I was personally entitled to access the Divine, and that God loved me no matter what, even if sometimes I didn't feel worthy of it because of my mistakes. It wasn't until I was an adult that I began to recognize that other women hadn't caught the same half of the vision that I had, or indeed that there were halves to it, or quarters, or any other fraction. I naively assume that there were the righteous women who knew who they were and attracted good, righteous, kind husbands; and then there were the women on the fringes who didn't know who they were, who felt like they had cause to be angry, worldly, or both, and dated/married losers.
Yeah. I was one of those. One of the quietly and lovingly self-righteous, who just hoped she could be Christ-like enough not to let the judgment show through the piety. Forgive me, Sisters, for I have sinned. I mean that sincerely. I truly was naive.
But like Eve, I came to be aware of a certain fruit. It felt like I had received a commandment not to touch it, not to be like one of those, those.... Feminists. *gasp!* (Nice us/them theme going on here, right? Yeah.) But Feminism came and made her case. We carried on a dialogue as I considered the options. I pondered. I secretly began to understand. In time I made my choice and partook of the Forbidden Feminist Fruit.
My eyes were opened and I saw so much more. I began to understand, to recognize justice and injustice, balance, unity, expansion. Feminism gave shape and purpose to the foundation the Church had laid for me, and the Church gave my Feminism depth and intricacy. Feminism taught me what the Church hasn't quite gotten around to yet; that I can offer more things to the world than only bearing and rearing the next generation. The Church taught me that my capacities and traits as a person, as a woman, for change, creation, ambition, determination are eternal and Divine parts of Me. Several of my Feminist Sisters (and one who doesn't identify as Feminist to my knowledge) have set awesome examples for me of righteous, adventurous, independent, strong women who advocate for a better world, seek out knowledge, build their homes and families, and stand side-by-side with their husbands.
I'm not alone on this path, nor the only one to see newly with these eyes. More and more women are having their eyes opened; many "mainstream" Mormon women are partaking of this Fruit as our Mother Eve did once before, seeing how unprotected, how naked we have been before the onslaught of misogyny throughout the ages. I did, and I'm seeing more and more signs of it in those around me. In fact, I think it is much easier and less traumatic for LDS women to expand and adapt their identities and thought patterns into Feminism than many--if not most--faith traditions under the Abrahamic umbrella. There is a broad range of experience of course, as with anything, but by our tenets and the things we uphold, I do think it's less of a leap than a hop to bridge the gap. We have the foundation.
Don't be afraid if you find yourself or someone you know waking up to the inner Feminist, though it is not without controversy or difficulty. Neither was the choice made in Eden. We change and thereby our worlds change, but the more of us at the "core" who expand ourselves to include the "margins", the less they will be margins: the greater understanding , the more common ground and solidarity as a people we will have. The wider and deeper we water the tree of Zion, the stronger and deeper its roots, the more nourishment the body will receive.
We are the roots and the watering can together. We are the ones who make and drive change. We are, as Harriett Beecher Stowe famously said, the real architects of society.
My name is Jena, and I'm a
Happy Pioneer Day!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Work and Worship in the House of the Lord
As noted in a previous post, I served for two years in the Oakland Temple as a volunteer and as an ordinance worker (which, in my opinion, is basically a priestess with a gender-neutral title.) I was struck early on by how different I felt working from how I felt worshiping.
As a patron, one usually attends the temple in order to advance spiritually in some way, whether by practicing obedience, serving those who have passed before us without a chance to take on their covenants, or through contemplation, meditation, prayer, learning, or simply by having a place to shut out the world and find peace. There's a lot of secondary reasons for going to the temple, but I think "intent to progress" is the primary idea. You're there--hopefully--to find a connection with the Divine in some way or other, and I usually feel... for lack of a better analogy coming to mind, like a consumer. I'm here, I know what I'm seeking can be found here, and I'm present to partake, and serve someone's ancestor (occasionally my own) in the process.
As a worker, I'm there to... work. And while this will sound obvious, it always felt like I was going to work; work just happened to be a holy place. I had a schedule of where to be and when, duties for various places I was assigned, things I had to remember to do or not do, policies, practices, etc. Moving from place to place was a matter of course rather than a process of preparation. This was most apparent with the Celestial Room. I remember entering it for the first time as a worker (duties included directing people to various exits, maintaining the reverence of the room, and being a gracious presence and "a hostess in the House of the Lord") and being struck not only with the lack of external ceremony (simply entering without having attended an ordinance) but how much it felt as though... I already belonged there.
As a worshipper, a patron, there is a process you must go through to get there, a progression. As a worker, there isn't. Not that I was suddenly given all knowledge, wisdom, understanding, worthiness, and perfection when I was set apart (HA! If only!) but holy ground became my home ground. It became my native place more than ever, where I belonged to it and where it belonged to me. I can only describe the difference in feeling as becoming a part of that environment, one among the host of seen and unseen angels that work there.
I miss it. I know where I am now and what I'm doing here closer to home is where I belong, but I miss the peace of being there so regularly. It was my grove, my bower, my sanctuary. I could use that right now, with all that I'm going through. I should carve out the time to attend on Saturday, to prepare myself and seek the peace, confirmation, and courage I need for this... project, movement, journey, path, whatever it is that lies before me.
As a patron, one usually attends the temple in order to advance spiritually in some way, whether by practicing obedience, serving those who have passed before us without a chance to take on their covenants, or through contemplation, meditation, prayer, learning, or simply by having a place to shut out the world and find peace. There's a lot of secondary reasons for going to the temple, but I think "intent to progress" is the primary idea. You're there--hopefully--to find a connection with the Divine in some way or other, and I usually feel... for lack of a better analogy coming to mind, like a consumer. I'm here, I know what I'm seeking can be found here, and I'm present to partake, and serve someone's ancestor (occasionally my own) in the process.
As a worker, I'm there to... work. And while this will sound obvious, it always felt like I was going to work; work just happened to be a holy place. I had a schedule of where to be and when, duties for various places I was assigned, things I had to remember to do or not do, policies, practices, etc. Moving from place to place was a matter of course rather than a process of preparation. This was most apparent with the Celestial Room. I remember entering it for the first time as a worker (duties included directing people to various exits, maintaining the reverence of the room, and being a gracious presence and "a hostess in the House of the Lord") and being struck not only with the lack of external ceremony (simply entering without having attended an ordinance) but how much it felt as though... I already belonged there.
As a worshipper, a patron, there is a process you must go through to get there, a progression. As a worker, there isn't. Not that I was suddenly given all knowledge, wisdom, understanding, worthiness, and perfection when I was set apart (HA! If only!) but holy ground became my home ground. It became my native place more than ever, where I belonged to it and where it belonged to me. I can only describe the difference in feeling as becoming a part of that environment, one among the host of seen and unseen angels that work there.
I miss it. I know where I am now and what I'm doing here closer to home is where I belong, but I miss the peace of being there so regularly. It was my grove, my bower, my sanctuary. I could use that right now, with all that I'm going through. I should carve out the time to attend on Saturday, to prepare myself and seek the peace, confirmation, and courage I need for this... project, movement, journey, path, whatever it is that lies before me.
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