I have just one very clear memory of being told, though in not so many words, "There is no power in women."
I was in an Institute class back in 2005. I believe we were discussing the story of Eden, and something in the conversation--probably related to Eve--prompted me to comment about how in the relationship I had left the year before, my ex-fiance had treated me in such a way that he denied my rights and power as a woman. I didn't want to go into much detail over the abuses that had been laid upon me, the unrighteous dominion he had attempted to enforce, and the downright criminal acts he had committed against me. (Those are stories for another day, another post.) The subject was still raw and vivid in my mind, and much of it was too personal to air at that time.
I've never forgotten the look on the teacher's face as I said that, though. It was that "I hate to disagree with you, but I can't endorse what you're saying."
"I'm a woman, too, but men are the leaders."
"He may have been doing it poorly, but men have the authority."
"I sympathize with your pain, but women have no authority. We have no rights to power."
I can understand the somewhat awkward position my statement put her in as an instructor, particularly in a setting involving her responsibility to teach the traditional story of Eden in a prescribed manner, but that look. That look. That look that said she was scrambling in her head for what to say to keep the discussion from getting too dangerous, too blasphemous, too feminist. To keep it from deviating too far toward addressing the inequalities women are subjected to on a daily basis, or addressing the uncomfortable reality that abuse of all kinds can be and is perpetrated by members of the Church, just as it is in every human society or culture. That wasn't the point of the lesson, after all.
I don't remember what she said exactly, but I remember how it translated; Of course men should respect and honor women, but as women, we have no power of our own.
It makes me cringe just to write that sentence, just as my heart withered a little inside me when it happened. I love and respect this woman to this day, but in that moment, our sisterhood was betrayed. Our solidarity as women was dented a little bit. She stood up for patriarchy and her lesson material, instead of hearing what I was saying and acknowledging that what I did explain of what my ex did was wrong. She did not stand with me, and she denied an opportunity for the class to expand themselves.
I know it's a small thing, and I know I will forgive her. Like the title says, I need to get over it. Now that I'm acknowledging that feeling and recognizing it for what it is, I finally can work on it. I can dampen, silence the echoing words, "Women have no power." I knew it was a falsehood then. My heart rebelled against the very idea. I know it even better now. Women have tremendous power... but that's another post, too.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
3 comments:
Thank you for wanting to leave me a message. I hope you've found something I've said edifying, and you'll extend the same to me. Please be positive, I'm not here to argue, but rather to just have a place to write things that I find spiritually uplifting, or share my own ponderings on matters of faith. Thank you.
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I don't think you need to get over it (probably because of how much I hate the phrase itself).
ReplyDeleteIt is one thing to forgive, to move on, to move past. To me, "get over it" implies that your indignance is unfounded, that your feeling of being wronged is itself wrong. As a rule, I never tell anybody that how something makes them feel is "wrong." It's not right or wrong; it just is. What she said and did hurt you. That is just a fact. You can determine on your own if you feel that it was a healthy response to what you perceived as a betrayal of solidarity, a denial of one's right to be free of abuse, a diminishing of the wrongness of what was done to you.
In my opinion, don't get over it. Learn from it, grow from it, let it inform your understanding of the human condition and what you need to do to change the wrongs you see in the world. But don't forget it. Don't just get over it. You can let go of the negative effects remembering it may still have on you, but don't just let it go. It is clearly an important event in your life that shaped your understanding of women's rights and female power. As such, it can be a source of strength for you to remember it, and to renew your righteous anger from it, and to be empowered by it.
There's a Roseanne Barr quote that came to me when reading this. It's, "The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it."
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty much in love with both of your comments. Thank you ladies. :)
ReplyDelete