Work and Glory

I'm (slowly; it's overwhelming and kicking my butt) making my way through a book called Heart of the Visionary: A Workbook to Empower Women's Work.  The section about money kicks off with a poem called "Mama Goes to Market", and it has been floating around in my head for a few days.  The woman is a mother and an entrepreneur, she is wise and discerning, decisive, joyful, personable, and prepared for her work.  In turn, she attracts customers like herself, and merchant and buyer both are blessed with abundance by each other.  This is the kind of life I want to live, to lead, and the kind of life I struggle to build.

This morning, I met the infant son of one of my chiropractors, whom she had brought to work, and he had been sleeping in a back room.  There she was, working outside the home, yet mothering at the same time, just like the woman merchant in the poem.

This is a matter I've struggled with for many years.  At times when my business has rebooted (practically every year...) I've told myself I'm too busy working to date... not that men have been busting down my door!  Hey, it gave me an excuse (albeit potentially controversial in LDS culture) not to be getting on with the whole settle-down-and-make-babies business, since that wasn't happening anyway.  I could have a reason.  Well, I gave it up as a "reason" a few years ago and have grudgingly embraced that I'm just not dating and getting married and making babies.  It just ain't happening.  (I mean that in the present tense, not the present-future "I've made a decision that it's not what I'm going to do" sense.)  It'll happen eventually, I'm confident, but for right now... nil.  So, I have a job, and it's pretty much my life.  It is my husband/lover and my baby all wrapped up together.  I have drawn the line at two for my cat collection, so I needed something else to love and inject with my energy, clearly.  And I do love my job.  It is very satisfying  to see someone come out of my workroom with a smile and dropped shoulders.  I know that I've worked something good in them, and if I can't get the usual shot of oxytocin, I'll take that.

Thing is... it's not really a replacement or a placeholder anymore.  I've been planning for years that once I get married, maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll quit my job and settle in to be a stay-at-home-mom.  That's a rough goal in this area, but not impossible.  And having a predictable, safe, reliable parent presence is extremely, extremely important for children; I fully embrace that truth.  My hands would no longer be used to heal and help the grown, but the growing.  It is a noble thing, but I have been holding back on going all-out in my business because I don't want to "get in too deep" and then have to drop it if/when I get married.  Seven years later, look at all the good that did me!  Way to go, self!  I know we've been counseled to pursue education and careers and not count on getting married because some of us just don't, but by golly I had a written statement of intent from God in my Patriarchal Blessing!  It could happen any day!  Look how quickly I got engaged to my last boyfriend!  (The creep.)  Hope springs eternal!  Any. Day.

.... Yeah. *sigh*  Way to go, self.  Totally smart.

Anyway, all of that rambling to say, I was thinking about the poem earlier and a scripture came to mind.

Moses 1:39  "For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man [and woman.]"

These are the Lord's work and glory... so what is my work?  What is my glory?   As I reflected on those questions, I got a lot of answers.  A lot of things came to mind.

Behold!  This is my work and my glory--To bring relief to the suffering and unload the burdens of the pained; To give comfort to the aching and bring joy to the sorrowed; to shelter the hurting and be a friend to those with need; to counsel the questioning and enlighten the asker.

This is my business.  This is my work.  This is my glory.  To be wise in learning and wise in teaching, to help bring to pass the health and vitality of those under my hands.

Is it the same thing we've always been told?  No.  Would I be okay with still working with massage and doulary and whatever else I choose after I'm a wife and mother?  Heck yes.  Will I find a way to make it work for me, my family, and my accountability to God?  Undoubtedly.  Am I a juicy woman and a liver of life?

;)