Line art

As mentioned a couple posts ago, I am getting a tattoo.  I got the line art only done today due to unforeseen time and money constraints.  Let me tell you, I'm glad I stopped when I did, because I just had to pick a ridiculously intense spot: the sternum.  Ouch.

Stings like a...
(Not me.)

Why the sternum?  A number of reasons.

1. I can see it.  My motif is of a poppy (for California), an apple blossom (for my hometown) and forget-me-nots (for my mother, my Mother, and probably President Uchtdorf.  [Love that man... in a totally appropriate, respectful, and non-creepy-fangirl way.]  Or for myself.  I have to remember to forget-Me-not, too.)  I chose these flowers as symbols of where I came from and what my roots are.
2. It's pretty much hidden from public view.  Very few of my tops are a threat to its visibility.  It ride just above my bra neckline and just below my garments.  Hopefully this will keep it from being seen by anyone for long enough to be able to say (once it's spotted) "oh, I've had that for a long while."
3. It's bony enough that when my weight fluctuates, my skin (HOPEFULLY) won't distort too badly

So, why did I get a tattoo?  Because I did.  I've never been supremely interested in them; I thought the idea was kind of interesting before President Hinckley advised against it back in the mid/late-1990s, but that was enough to make me ignore the option for about 15 years.  I've been thinking about it for approximately a year now, but I wasn't drawn to the idea very strongly.  I was more interested in additional ear piercings because they seemed like less commitment.  When Mom died, and I started thinking about moving on from my hometown, I found myself wanting something bigger, a more detailed reminder of where I'm from as I get where I'm going.

So now I have the beginnings of that reminder.  It's rather surreal after so many years of being told that it was bad and wrong or unwise.  I didn't do it to be a rebel, but it is a rebellious act.  It's very strange, but I'm really kind of in love with it.

On that note, good night!

Optional reading: My experience of the tattooing itself.

Courage vs. no fear

DANGER: Shockingness ahead.

What's so important, mousey?  Just wonderin'...

Were more true words ever spoken?  Maybe, maybe not.

To live a courageous life is indeed a wonderful and inspiring thing.  To pass through fear and come out victorious on the other side is the stuff of legends.

If courage is, then, the stuff of legends, is it pretentious to say that I want to live without fear?  I want to live, someday, without a fear through which to step.  This means I must either pluck up my courage now and experience what that fear is and overcome it... or give myself permission to let the fear go entirely.

What prompted this?  A lot of things.  For one, I'm getting a tattoo in a week.  That's right, I'm going to permanently spray paint on the temple!  I'll write about that later, though, only the fact of it is what matters here, and the sheer amount of trepidation I've experienced as I've come to this decision and have been working through my fears.  I fear the stigma, reproach, disapproval, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'm going to admit that tattoos can be gorgeous artwork, and I envy people that sport gorgeous artwork.  I'm going to admit that my trepidation is wise, given its permanence, and admit that at the same time, a lot of that trepidation, that fear, was conditioned into me because I desire approval and love and this will not earn either from the majority of people that matter to me the most.

Secondly, I've been reading a fabulous, amazing book with a shocking, offensive title; arguably, its title is the most shocking and offensive word in the English language, so consider yourself warned of that before you click this link... or get over it.  I have.  This book is changing my life and the way I view my womanness.

Thirdly, I have carried a LOT of fear around with me throughout my entire life, and that shit's gotta stop.  It's gotta stop, and I am going to make it stop.  I want to live a life of no fear and I have a lot more control over that happening than I've been led to believe, either by my culture, my family, or my own damn self.

Fourthly, pursuant to the third item, I was reading the book in the second item, and thinking "I claim to be Like Unto Eve, whose archetype is all about the pursuit of knowledge and progression in spite of reprimand or fear.  I should blog more about this journey.  I'll need a new tag.  Hmm... 'fearless pursuit of knowledge'? 'Courageous pursuit of...'  What's the difference?  Courage is not the absence of fear, but... I want the absence of fear.  ... I should blog about this."

And so it comes full circle.  Welcome to my brain!  I'm back!