I recently "re"connected with an old match on a popular matchmaking site and we started emailing. I name Mother as an important person in my life on my profile and the man in question asked me why she was there. The following is the conversation that has gone on thus far, with some modifications and snarky running commentary from my brain. Strap in, this is a long one after the jump. You might want to take a potty break first.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
I want the Priesthood, too.
And shouldn't I?
Boys are raised in the Church to want it. To aspire to it. To expect it. They are expected to live in such a way that they have it conferred upon them at the age of twelve so that they can begin to administer and serve. That expectation, that aspiration is considered a wonderful thing, a great thing. Not a sin, not a power grab, not an itching to rule the world or exercise rule over others. In fact, I'm not aware of any time when that's an idea ever put out in the open. And yet, adult women who want as much (or more) authority as a pubescent boy are cast as unfaithful villains instead of anxious workers in the cause of Christ.
What?
I was listening to a Mormon Stories episode on the way to the temple earlier today. The interview featured the man who started Agitating Faithfully, Dane Laverty, a site that collects names of women and men who support the implementation of gender equality in the Church. Dane said something that really struck me as he was describing the inspiration for the site name. The context begins about 28:39 and he rambles for a bit, but then he says this:
But how many would cheer? How many would offer their heads to have hands laid upon them? How many are prepared to receive, when we put so much emphasis on it being wrong to even want the Priesthood because we are women? I do believe it will happen, I believe it will happen in my lifetime, even if I have to live to the age of 100 to see it. I believe it just as much and as surely as I believe we will learn more about Mother, but as a people, we must be prepared to receive, and I feel that we generally are not. We have shot ourselves in the foot by insisting that we don't care about or want these things. We are limiting the spirit of revelation in the name of conservation.
A quick sampling of things I've commonly heard about women not having Priesthood, generally from women...
It's so much more work! Why would you/we want that?
--Why do the men want it? Don't many hands make light work? Is our only work really only supposed to be among our husbands and children? I'm off the hook! Awesome! ...except that I want to serve. In the past several years, there have been numerous Conference talks praising the sisters for their hard work and encouraging them to greater heights of service. I've heard many women groaning under the strain, though. There's only so far people can be encouraged before there's nothing else they can do. If the Priesthood gives power to do the work of the Gospel more effectively, it would be a mercy and a help to everyone to ordain women.
I hold the Priesthood when I hug/dance with my husband.
--You married the physical embodiment of the Power of God?! Holy crap! Oh, you meant that you married a person who has been ordained to the Priesthood. Gotcha. Wouldn't it be nice if your husband could say the same thing, though? Also, once again, this is discriminatory. I, as an unmarried woman with no children, don't have the option of hugging a husband. Eventually, I won't have the option of hugging my father, either. Please stop using such an exclusive platitude. It gives no value or power at all to women like me.
Women don't miss out on any of the blessings of the Priesthood.
--This has always required considerable mental gymnastics for me, even years before I considered myself a feminist, but I went with it for a long time. I mean, the absence of a worthy Priesthood holder can be circumvented if necessary; I've done it, but how many women (or children) know how to do it? It isn't something you'll find in a lesson manual. What if circumvention was unnecessary because women and girls received ordination and advancement just like men?
Even if we don't miss out on any blessings, saying so would come off in a much more genuine way if we also didn't miss out on the cultural benefits and respect that come with administration and authority that men enjoy while they're about the same Work women are.
I know that there are many women out there who genuinely don't want to be ordained and that's okay. For most of my life, I didn't either. It wasn't until I realized that ordination made sense to me that I said "Okay, I understand. Yes, we should be ordained." That wasn't even until after working in the temple. I wish I had understood better during my time there that the day I was Endowed, I left with the same Priesthood potential as any man, short only the formality of laying on hands. I held and exercised religious authority there to perform ordinances. I wielded Priesthood, as do tens of thousands of women working in temples worldwide, and the Church hasn't collapsed; in fact, it relies on female Priesthood users to do proxy work for the dead. The only difference is that it doesn't happen outside the temple in every day life to do the work of living.
Why?
I want to serve. I want to work. I want authority and power to be more effective in the Church and in living the Gospel and to be taken seriously. This is my little agitation. This is my Yea vote. This is my siding with women and men to whom ordination for all worthy Saints makes sense. I also want the Priesthood.
(Happy Mother Fast Day!)
Boys are raised in the Church to want it. To aspire to it. To expect it. They are expected to live in such a way that they have it conferred upon them at the age of twelve so that they can begin to administer and serve. That expectation, that aspiration is considered a wonderful thing, a great thing. Not a sin, not a power grab, not an itching to rule the world or exercise rule over others. In fact, I'm not aware of any time when that's an idea ever put out in the open. And yet, adult women who want as much (or more) authority as a pubescent boy are cast as unfaithful villains instead of anxious workers in the cause of Christ.
What?
I was listening to a Mormon Stories episode on the way to the temple earlier today. The interview featured the man who started Agitating Faithfully, Dane Laverty, a site that collects names of women and men who support the implementation of gender equality in the Church. Dane said something that really struck me as he was describing the inspiration for the site name. The context begins about 28:39 and he rambles for a bit, but then he says this:
[President Hinckley's] response wasn't, "We don't have revelation for that." His response wasn't, "The doctrines prevent that from happening." His response was just, "We don't hear anyone in the Church asking. We don't hear any movement in the Church for women to be priests." And so the way I read that is, "Yes, we'd be more than happy if we found the need for women to be priests, if we found that there was a desire out there for women to be priests, that's something that could happen; but we're not seeing that desire, so it's just not an issue that we're going to address right now."And he's right, in a way. Granted, President Hinckley was an extremely shrewd media personality, and the way he answers moves all responsibility for the inequality to the membership, rather than the leadership. I will let my readers think of that what they will and move on. There isn't agitation, or at least not very much. There is anti-agitation, as with so much about the Church, the large and disapproving fraction of the population who insists on things the way they are and that they're perfect and wonderful and we shouldn't want one thing that the Lord doesn't hand down to us from the Throne of Heaven itself.
Doctrine and Covenants 58:26 For it is not meet that I should command in all things; for s/he who is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and an unwise servant; wherefore s/he receiveth no rewardHm. Well, that's problematic.
So, if an Earth-rocking revelation were unveiled between 9:15 and 9:30 AM PDT by President Monson, unveiling the nature, power, and duties of Heavenly Mother, and commanding that women be ordained to the Priest(ess)hood, beginning immediately and would President Beck and her Counselors please come forward so they can be sustained and ordained... how many brethren, how many sisters would be prepared to sustain President Beck in her ordination? How many would get up and leave, and never return to the Church? It's a sobering thought.27 Verily I say, wo/men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
But how many would cheer? How many would offer their heads to have hands laid upon them? How many are prepared to receive, when we put so much emphasis on it being wrong to even want the Priesthood because we are women? I do believe it will happen, I believe it will happen in my lifetime, even if I have to live to the age of 100 to see it. I believe it just as much and as surely as I believe we will learn more about Mother, but as a people, we must be prepared to receive, and I feel that we generally are not. We have shot ourselves in the foot by insisting that we don't care about or want these things. We are limiting the spirit of revelation in the name of conservation.
A quick sampling of things I've commonly heard about women not having Priesthood, generally from women...
It's so much more work! Why would you/we want that?
--Why do the men want it? Don't many hands make light work? Is our only work really only supposed to be among our husbands and children? I'm off the hook! Awesome! ...except that I want to serve. In the past several years, there have been numerous Conference talks praising the sisters for their hard work and encouraging them to greater heights of service. I've heard many women groaning under the strain, though. There's only so far people can be encouraged before there's nothing else they can do. If the Priesthood gives power to do the work of the Gospel more effectively, it would be a mercy and a help to everyone to ordain women.
I hold the Priesthood when I hug/dance with my husband.
--You married the physical embodiment of the Power of God?! Holy crap! Oh, you meant that you married a person who has been ordained to the Priesthood. Gotcha. Wouldn't it be nice if your husband could say the same thing, though? Also, once again, this is discriminatory. I, as an unmarried woman with no children, don't have the option of hugging a husband. Eventually, I won't have the option of hugging my father, either. Please stop using such an exclusive platitude. It gives no value or power at all to women like me.
Women don't miss out on any of the blessings of the Priesthood.
--This has always required considerable mental gymnastics for me, even years before I considered myself a feminist, but I went with it for a long time. I mean, the absence of a worthy Priesthood holder can be circumvented if necessary; I've done it, but how many women (or children) know how to do it? It isn't something you'll find in a lesson manual. What if circumvention was unnecessary because women and girls received ordination and advancement just like men?
Even if we don't miss out on any blessings, saying so would come off in a much more genuine way if we also didn't miss out on the cultural benefits and respect that come with administration and authority that men enjoy while they're about the same Work women are.
I know that there are many women out there who genuinely don't want to be ordained and that's okay. For most of my life, I didn't either. It wasn't until I realized that ordination made sense to me that I said "Okay, I understand. Yes, we should be ordained." That wasn't even until after working in the temple. I wish I had understood better during my time there that the day I was Endowed, I left with the same Priesthood potential as any man, short only the formality of laying on hands. I held and exercised religious authority there to perform ordinances. I wielded Priesthood, as do tens of thousands of women working in temples worldwide, and the Church hasn't collapsed; in fact, it relies on female Priesthood users to do proxy work for the dead. The only difference is that it doesn't happen outside the temple in every day life to do the work of living.
Why?
I want to serve. I want to work. I want authority and power to be more effective in the Church and in living the Gospel and to be taken seriously. This is my little agitation. This is my Yea vote. This is my siding with women and men to whom ordination for all worthy Saints makes sense. I also want the Priesthood.
(Happy Mother Fast Day!)
Monday, March 12, 2012
Prepare ye the way of the Mother
Life has been a haze the past few... several months as I'm sure you've guessed if you've been following this blog. Events have been sneaking up on me a lot. With regards to this post, the most notable sneak-up has been managed by General Conference.
Yup! Only three weeks until we get another chance to hope for revelation regarding Mother. I confess, that good ol' guilt makes me wonder if the sacrifices I've scraped together in the past five months have been sufficient, if my faith and my hope have been enough. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I have that much to worry about. My fasts haven't been picture perfect by the book but I've done what I've could. I've also made many, many other sacrifices in that time, both for Mother and others of Her children. I believe that counts for something. Perhaps it counts for a great deal. I don't know. I don't know, but I hope and I have faith.
Regardless of guilty feelings and fears of inadequacies, the time is here to ramp up preparations, to increase in hope and faith, and the be strong in case the road continues on. It likely will, truth be told. This may not be the time for the Church or world as a whole (but I hope it is!) However, it's definitely time for me. It's possibly time for you. It is time to prepare a way for the Mother to approach, to come down out of the wilderness and into my heart.
Or perhaps it is time to prepare myself to go up into the wilderness and into Her heart.
The way must be prepared. How will you prepare yourself?
Yup! Only three weeks until we get another chance to hope for revelation regarding Mother. I confess, that good ol' guilt makes me wonder if the sacrifices I've scraped together in the past five months have been sufficient, if my faith and my hope have been enough. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I have that much to worry about. My fasts haven't been picture perfect by the book but I've done what I've could. I've also made many, many other sacrifices in that time, both for Mother and others of Her children. I believe that counts for something. Perhaps it counts for a great deal. I don't know. I don't know, but I hope and I have faith.
Regardless of guilty feelings and fears of inadequacies, the time is here to ramp up preparations, to increase in hope and faith, and the be strong in case the road continues on. It likely will, truth be told. This may not be the time for the Church or world as a whole (but I hope it is!) However, it's definitely time for me. It's possibly time for you. It is time to prepare a way for the Mother to approach, to come down out of the wilderness and into my heart.
Or perhaps it is time to prepare myself to go up into the wilderness and into Her heart.
The way must be prepared. How will you prepare yourself?
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I don't know what to call this post
So.... my beloved cat, Topsy, died on the First of the month. I'd had him/He'd had me since some time about 1999 or so. He was an outdoor cat, semi-feral, very friendly and sweet, though clearly with a past of having been abused by someone. Something happened to him neurologically--his body was still healthy--and he deteriorated rapidly to the point where I had to make the decision to end his suffering and have him euthanized.
As if that didn't suck enough.
Today (yesterday now... it's after midnight) the results from my Mom's latest PET scan came in. Today-today is exactly six months since I first posted about her cancer, and almost five months since musing in grief that she could be gone in six...
Now, it's everywhere. God in Heaven, it's everywhere. It's everywhere inside her. There's too many spots. It's in her bones, in her muscles, her organs... and even a tiny spot between the hemispheres of her brain. There's nothing more that can be done except to make sure she's comfortable and take as much advantage of the time we have while we can.
She has hardly gotten out of bed since Sunday morning and she has a horrible time concentrating or remembering... or communicating. She'll start to say something and stop after a few words, and just go silent. Half the time she forgets that she spoke at all. When something's really on her mind, she repeats and reaffirms it over and over again. "I'm okay." "I love you." "He [my Dad] needs to be strong." It's very similar to the way my Grandma (Dad's Mom) is now with her dementia. She has been in a care home for a year and a half now. Mom won't have that long.
The last "big" things she did on Saturday before this began was having a Five Guys burger for dinner after the PET scan (having such an appetite has been a big deal, lately) and standing by to support me as I buried Topsy in the yard. Her oncologist says she likely has months (rather than weeks and rather than years) and there's talk about bringing in Hospice soon. Hospice has been mentioned for my Grandpa as well, who's living with congestive heart failure and has been in and out of hospitals and care facilities since Christmas.
We probably won't make it over to my sister's for blessing my baby niece, so they may come here instead. If it can happen in our home ward and Mom feels up to go to Sacrament meeting, wonderful! If she doesn't, we will do it here at home.
I'm sure there's many philosophical and spiritual things to be said here about life and death, change, transition, and the eternal nature of the soul. There is. I just can't say it right now. I can't. I'm numb with spurts of anguish. I'm adjusting to the loss of my cat okay. I hope I can do comparably well for the coming loss of my Mother and Grandfather. I hope I can find or be given strength to let my Dad be weak when he needs to be weak.
Oh God, what am I going to do....
Today (yesterday now... it's after midnight) the results from my Mom's latest PET scan came in. Today-today is exactly six months since I first posted about her cancer, and almost five months since musing in grief that she could be gone in six...
Now, it's everywhere. God in Heaven, it's everywhere. It's everywhere inside her. There's too many spots. It's in her bones, in her muscles, her organs... and even a tiny spot between the hemispheres of her brain. There's nothing more that can be done except to make sure she's comfortable and take as much advantage of the time we have while we can.
She has hardly gotten out of bed since Sunday morning and she has a horrible time concentrating or remembering... or communicating. She'll start to say something and stop after a few words, and just go silent. Half the time she forgets that she spoke at all. When something's really on her mind, she repeats and reaffirms it over and over again. "I'm okay." "I love you." "He [my Dad] needs to be strong." It's very similar to the way my Grandma (Dad's Mom) is now with her dementia. She has been in a care home for a year and a half now. Mom won't have that long.
The last "big" things she did on Saturday before this began was having a Five Guys burger for dinner after the PET scan (having such an appetite has been a big deal, lately) and standing by to support me as I buried Topsy in the yard. Her oncologist says she likely has months (rather than weeks and rather than years) and there's talk about bringing in Hospice soon. Hospice has been mentioned for my Grandpa as well, who's living with congestive heart failure and has been in and out of hospitals and care facilities since Christmas.
We probably won't make it over to my sister's for blessing my baby niece, so they may come here instead. If it can happen in our home ward and Mom feels up to go to Sacrament meeting, wonderful! If she doesn't, we will do it here at home.
I'm sure there's many philosophical and spiritual things to be said here about life and death, change, transition, and the eternal nature of the soul. There is. I just can't say it right now. I can't. I'm numb with spurts of anguish. I'm adjusting to the loss of my cat okay. I hope I can do comparably well for the coming loss of my Mother and Grandfather. I hope I can find or be given strength to let my Dad be weak when he needs to be weak.
Oh God, what am I going to do....
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