Hi everyone. I'm sorry I've been so silent. Things had been very hard around here lately and so far, 2012 hasn't felt all that spiritual. I'm having a really tough time with anything spiritual... or temporal... or... anything.
To make a long story short (I simply do not have the energy to write--nor can I believe anyone would have the inclination to read--everything), Mom's done with radiation, but she's still not doing great with energy or appetite. Business is in the toilet and I'm watching my credit card debt rise and my income flatline. I'm 30 and single and that SUCKS and I'm trying to detach myself from the suckitude while I keep forgetting to call my therapist back (yes, I have one...) so I can go work through the hell my ex laid on me 8 years ago, so I can live an emotionally normal life. My grandmother has advanced dementia (not to Alzheimer's... yet) and my grandfather has congestive heart failure and is not long for this world. I am severely anemic this week; I considered going to the hospital for a transfusion. I am chugging iron and herbs and all manner things that would horrify my doctor, I'm sure, to build my blood back up. I've got bone broth simmering and I'll be making... something out of it, I dont know what because it sounds awful. *shudder* Just something to get used to, I guess. For my health.
Anyway, things have just been... hard. Very hard, and I've been very sad, and I've been putting too much of myself out into the world without taking enough in to nourish myself. I have gotten better about scripture study and prayer again, and that helps a little, but I am depleted. I am dried up. I have next to nothing left. I am running on fumes and I do not handle this kin of stress very well. It eats away at me under the cheerful surface until that collapses in a big spout of hiss and fury.
So, I haven't had a lot to say. I did substitute my missed Mother Fast last week. That was nice. Actually, I do have things to say, I just don't have the resources within me to put them out into the world. Pray for me, please, if you think to. Things are just hard right now, and I need to be nurtured before I die in some sense or another.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
3 comments:
Thank you for wanting to leave me a message. I hope you've found something I've said edifying, and you'll extend the same to me. Please be positive, I'm not here to argue, but rather to just have a place to write things that I find spiritually uplifting, or share my own ponderings on matters of faith. Thank you.
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((hugs))
ReplyDeletesending light and love and energy your way...
Prayers on their way....
ReplyDeleteI have been sorta lurking in the shadows, but I read all of your posts. If you wonder if some one is actually reading what you write, remind your self that Sally reads it all top to bottom. I appreciate your posts, more than I can express in words, but it is a deep heart felt thank you.
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