Speaking of Christ

I've spoken a lot about Mother, about Eve, about feminism, and a little bit about gays and Paganism.  I haven't spoken much about Christ, though, unless it's to rant about something being un-Christlike.  (I see some irony there.)

I started this post before Christmas, and the holidays and birth (Yay, new niece!) and sickness and stress got in the way of finishing it.  Also, I've just had a hard time thinking about it.  I've become very disconnected in my spirituality the past several months, partially as a factor of growing pains during my expansion, but also because I stopped doing regularly a lot of the things that made me feel connected.  As much as I talked and thought about simply expanding my Mormonism with Paganism rather than replacing, I made a good subconscious run at replacing and ran straight into a wall.  There wasn't enough Christ in my Pagan exploration, and it left me feeling drained.  Today, I feel that I have--at least--put a cork in the bottom of my spiritual bucket.  For the first time in a while, it felt really good to go to church.

I believe in Christ, but I sometimes have a hard time with it, or with believing Him, believing the Gospel, believing in grace and unconditional love and Heavenly Parents and eternity and progression.  This is even while I'm contemplating the merit of multiple mortal probations (reincarnation, to most people.)  I guess I just get to feeling like it's too good to be true, even if I want it to be.  It's too good to happen to me, so I'd better work my butt off to get a seat on the train.  Or something.  It's a little neurotic, a little Air, but that's me, I suppose.  So, I've been contemplating grace, and it's role in the Gospel.  It's huge, enormous role that we tend not to talk about because we're very focused on obeying the commandments to raise up a righteous people and following the prophet(s) because these are spiritually hazardous times.  And I've been contemplating my place in the world, in the cosmos, in the everything of everything.  It's been rather overwhelming,  This is all while Mom's finishing radiation and I'm sick and my friends are having their various crises and doubts right along with me and... I really know how to overload myself!

Anyway, but I do believe.  I do have faith.  It's that faith that keeps me going, keeps me plugging along, keeps me saying, "I have no idea what's going on, but I know this must work some way or another."   And today I found that the balance point--for me, as far as I can tell--is closer to home than I thought it might be.  I am happy being Mormon.  I am happy with the Gospel.  Sure there are inequalities and policies that suck and practices that people don't like and the Church is not perfect.  The Prophet and Apostles and others aren't perfect, no matter how much we think they should be.  It is possible we may even be massively, horribly off-track in many ways as a people.  Look at ancient Israel, or the Nephites.  We're no better..  I asked myself today, though, whether I still believe Christ is at the Head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  And I found that my answer is yes.  I still believe this Church not only bears His name, but also answers to Him.  I don't know why the Church isn't going in every direction I think it could or should go, why it isn't doing the things that many people think it ought, but I also don't know why I'm not married with children right now.  Actually, I do know why, but it's a very recent discovery/understanding.  It took me a decade to get here, and that's just my one little life, not millions across the world.   I don't know why X-Y-Z, but what I do know, as well and as deeply as I can, is that I believe in a man named Yeshua who lived some 2,000 years ago in a region not much larger than mine, on the other side of the planet.  He had a beautiful, wise, contemplative mother named Mary and a gentle, just father figure named Joseph.  He lived a simple and faultless life and shed his body in a horrible death upon a cross, after suffering the pains of the world in a garden, and took it up again in a tomb.  He is my Savior and Redeemer, the one who teaches me how to be better than I am, and comforts me when I find that I'm still myself at the end of the day.  He accepts my imperfections and teaches me to accept them too.  He lives, and he appears in many ways to those who are open to seeing him.  I believe I will see Him, whether in the flesh, in this life, at his Second Coming, or beyond the veil to take up my own body again someday.

There's more to the story, of course there is, but this is what important right here, in this post.  Wherever else I go, whatever else I do, this is home for my heart, my faith in Christ, my belief in this Gospel, and even my dedication to this Church.  It isn't perfect, not at all, but then again... it never has been, really.  Comings, goings, ups, downs, and pride cycles... they have always and will always happen among the people of God.  Every people.  And that's okay, because that's why there's a Plan.  And I can't let that go.

Oops! Fasting Fail

I totally meant to continue the Fast into the new year.  I meant to put up a blog post a couple days ago as a reminder.  In my defense, I have been very sick this week.  I made it all through the holidays and the birth of my niece (YAAAAAAAAAAAY!) and as soon as I left the hospital when my sister, brother-in-law, and niece got settled in, a big nasty cold hit me like a truck.  So that's my excuse.

I still think there's really a place for the Mother Fast, and a need for it.  I don't think I'm going to worry about it this month, though.  I'm not in any health situation that would tolerate fasting very well.  I suppose I could do a computer fast or something like that, though.

Anyway,  I'm not dead!  Just congested and a little headache-y.  I shall fast another time.

Happy New Year!

I know, a week late.  Whatever.  I'm not dead and the year is STILL new!  So Happy New Year!  It's a whole new one full of possibilities.

Not much to say this second--kinda tired, headed to bed--but I wanted to point this out to anyone who hasn't seen it.  If you could go face-to-face and ask Sister Beck, the General Relief Society President, anything, what would you ask?

Post it in the comments here, and it just MIGHT be asked!  I've already asked about Heavenly Mother, myself, but please feel free to do so, too.  Or ask any other question you have.

Cheers!